


What They Didn't Know

by chloechocolate



Category: Beast (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 13:44:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 22,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6331489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chloechocolate/pseuds/chloechocolate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yang Yoseob has been in a relationship with Yong Junhyung for two years. Just like any young couple, they have ups and downs in their relationship. In the heat of an argument, Yoseob says ‘Let’s break up’ . These words accidentally slip out in a fit of anger and frustration. They have broken up and gotten back together a few times before because of these trivial arguments and Junhyung is always the one who apologises but this time round why doesn’t Junhyung try to make up with him?<br/>And the worst part is Yoseob discovers that he’s pregnant with Junhyung’s child. He considers having an abortion but he’s a kind-hearted person and his conscience won’t let him do it. He can’t bring himself to kill their child.<br/>What should he do about it? Yoseob still loves Junhyung so he swallows his pride and tries to get back with Junhyung for the sake of their child.  But he is shocked to discover that Junhyung has apparently gotten himself a new girlfriend.<br/>Did love just come at the wrong time for Yoseob or is this his punishment for being fickle-minded?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone this is my first fic. I won't be taking all the credit for this story because it is based on a Chinese fanfic that I read before on Baidu and the author has deleted it. Credits go to the original author 毛家龙磕巴 @ baidu for the idea. I have gotten her permission to rewrite it in English (it's not just a translation as I'll be adding my own ideas to it as I go along).
> 
> Anyway this story has a male pregnancy theme (let's just imagine that Yoseob can get pregnant too LOL) so if you don't like it please don't read >

Yang Yoseob was just an ordinary high school student. He was not the A+ student who would get wonderful results in every exam and raise his hand to answer every single question that the teacher asked but neither was he a bad student. He was just an ordinary student who didn’t play truant from school but was sometimes late for school, just an ordinary student who didn’t skip classes whenever he pleased but would sometimes forget to complete his homework, just an ordinary student who never caused any trouble but fell in love by accident.

It all started on the day he fell asleep in class. He had stayed up late watching one of his favourite movies the night before and the next thing he knew , he was being shaken awake by his angry teacher and sent to the detention room. He was surprised to see that he wasn’t the only one there. The ‘bad boy’ from the class next door was also been told off by the discipline teacher for instigating a fight in class. Not long after that, the discipline teacher had to go for her class and left them both in the detention room to write a ‘self-reflection’ essay.

Yoseob spent quite a while staring at the piece of white paper. His mind was blank and he had no idea at all what to write. On the other hand, the boy sitting across from him was already writing his name ‘Yong Junhyung’ on his completed essay. Yoseob stared at him, thinking that this boy must be a really creative person if not how did he manage to complete an essay like this so fast. He bit on the top of his pen and stared at the paper again, willing his brain to think of something to write. Suddenly, he felt a hand grab his chin and pull the pen away from his mouth. ‘Don’t do that, do you know how dirty that is?’ said a voice.

Yoseob raised his head and stared at the other boy who was staring at him disdainfully yet that stare did not mar his handsome features, not one bit. Yoseob’s heart skipped a beat and he thought to himself, ‘Ugh why is this boy so handsome and what is this feeling that I’m feeling now. Stop it! Stop it,’ The handsome boy didn’t say a word. He just grabbed a pen and started writing on Yoseob’s paper much to his surprise. His calm demeanour as he wrote just made him seem more attractive to Yoseob. Little did they know that this meeting in the detention room would lead to so many things.

After the incident, Yoseob and Junhyung somehow became close friends and from then on, it bloomed into a relationship. They were both sixteen and madly in love. Both of them were red-blooded males so it was not surprising that they hugged each other for the first time just a few days after the start of their relationship and it was also not surprising that they would kiss each other when no one was looking. On the 100th day of their relationship, Junhyung’s parents were abroad for work so they had a huge house to themselves to celebrate. They were standing at the balcony gazing at the moon when Junhyung stared at Yoseob with those captivating eyes and produced a ring that he had saved up for, placed it on Yoseob’s finger and said with sincerity in every word, ‘Whether it’s 200 days, 300 days or even 300 years, I hope I’ll be spending that time with you.’

Yoseob was not the type who liked all these soppy old-fashioned confessions. He always believed that things like this only happened on TV but when those words were actually spoken for him by the one he loved, he was frozen for a while and he could almost feel his heart melting.

Seeing Yoseob’s frozen state, Junhyung did not miss this chance and scooped Yoseob into his arms while kissing him. Distracted by the frenzied kissing, Yoseob did not even resist ; he could not resist when he felt himself being placed on the bed and his clothes being removed due to the pleasure he was feeling from being loved. It was only when he felt Junhyung enter him that he realised that he might have made a mistake. It was just a ring , just a soppy confession and that was the price of giving himself , body and soul to Junhyung.

After the first time it happened, there was a second time and a third time. Yoseob did not care anymore because he had fallen so deep until the only thing that mattered was the growing feelings the couple had for each other. This relationship lasted nearly two years and it had come to the point where Yoseob felt that the only thing in his future was Junhyung .

But no one will ever know what the future holds for them. No one knew that a disaster would strike because of a silly little argument. Young couples are like this, trivial arguments can make them say ‘let’s break up’ so easily. ‘Fine, let’s break up then!’ shouted Yoseob from across the room at Junhyung and stormed out. It was over something so unimportant that neither of them could remember who had started the argument in the first place.

And so, they really broke up.

Their friends were all used to them being like this. They didn’t even bother asking what their reasons for breaking up were anymore.

After school, Yoseob walked straight home and past Junhyung who was standing by the school gate whereas Junhyung just stood there glaring at him. Junhyung kept telling himself in his mind,’Don’t do it, don’t grab his arm, don’t do it,’ and only stared blankly as Yoseob walked right past him , the distance between them getting further and further with every second. Each person was scolding the other in his mind, ‘Is it so difficult to say I’m sorry first’ . They both went home alone that day.

One day passed, two days passed, the third day passed…..it became one week, two weeks, three weeks. Both wanting to apologise to the other but no one wanting to make the first move due to pride. After one month, Junhyung finally gave up and started avoiding Yoseob.

Yoseob still loved Junhyung and had not planned to really break up with him. He only wanted Junhyung to back down first and all would be well again but he did not expect Junhyung to really stop talking to him and avoid him. Although angry, Yoseob decided to swallow his pride and do something to fix their relationship but the shock from finding out that he was pregnant delayed any further action……..


	2. Chapter 2

Yoseob was still trying to find a way to solve his problem .Before he had even thought of his next move, another incident happened again. The president of the music club at their high school had just been accepted into a prestigious music school and he would be transferring schools right away. Before leaving, he decided to give up his position as president to Junhyung. The reason for this urgency in choosing a successor was because the music club was due to participate in a musical held annually with the music clubs of other schools in the area. The organization of such a large scale event required lots of planning and work. This job was supposed to be passed on to the vice president of the music club but it wasn’t very nice to put such a heavy load on one person and the vice president in question was a female student who probably would not be able to handle everything on her own.

Junhyung might look like he couldn’t get anything done well on time but in reality he was a capable young man who took any responsibility given to him very seriously. Thus, the president gladly chose him as the next president , trusting that he would do a good job.

Yoseob was also a member of the music club, the main vocal of the singing team. Junhyung had initially joined the music club to get close to him and now that he was the president, he was constantly interacting with the pretty female vice president. Ever since he got the job, he became very close with the girl and he would even go home with her after rehearsals to discuss their plans.

Yoseob rarely attended rehearsals but when he did, he would always see them together and this annoyed him immensely. Junhyung stayed quiet and did not say a single word to him during rehearsals except to silently pass him the sheets of his newly composed song which Yoseob would be singing for the musical.

Seeing him like this made Yoseob even more annoyed and before he could grab hold of the sheets, they were plucked out of Junhyung’s hand by someone else.

‘Oh, let’s see what new songs Junhyung-hyung wrote this time,’ exclaimed Dongwoon excitedly. He was Yoseob’s good friend in the music club and their junior. ‘ Hyung, you wrote this song right?’

Junhyung nodded his head in acknowledgement.

‘Wow, this song is really good, it’s really catchy and also matches the musical’s theme. The lyrics and the music go so well with each other. Hyung, you’re so amazing, you wrote this all by yourself?’

Junhyung said sheepishly, ‘ Yeah I wrote it but Hara helped too.’

Hara was the pretty female vice-president of the music club.

Hearing his words hurt Yoseob’s heart even more. He had always been the one accompanying Junhyung as he composed prior to this. Junhyung would always ask his opinion on the song after each paragraph and it had always been Yoseob who would comfort Junhyung when he was out of ideas and feeling frustrated. Those days when Yoseob would sit silently by his side and put his head on his shoulder as he composed, those days when Yoseob would hum silently along with him staring into Junhyung’s eyes and see Junhyung’s love for him reflecting back at him, those days when Junhyung would give him little pecks on his cheek after completing a song, those days seemed so far away now. Now, it seemed like Yoseob had been replaced by someone else.

After scanning through the sheet music, Dongwoon pressed the sheets into Yoseob’s hand but Yoseob who was still drowning in his memories dropped the sheets like they were burning hot. A song that Junhyung wrote with someone else, he did not want to sing it no matter how good it was!

‘How..how dare you!’

The person who exclaimed those words was none other than Hara. She could not believe how anyone could just throw the sheets of music that Junhyung had spent so many nights painstakingly composing on the floor, and of all people the person doing it was Yoseob who had always been on such good terms with Junhyung.

Yoseob had not meant to do it. He had actually dropped the sheets due to his distracted mind and was just about to apologise but after being reprimanded by Hara, his anger flared up and his first response was to glare at the both of them. Hara looked as if she still wanted to give Yoseob a piece of her mind but Junhyung who already picked up the fallen sheets and stuffed them into his bag turned to her and said, ‘It’s okay, just leave it.’

So it had come to this. Junhyung didn’t even want to bother arguing with him anymore. The crack in Yoseob’s heart widened slightly. The atmosphere in the music room felt so awkward.

‘I’m starving! Let’s go and grab something to eat! I think the cafeteria is selling beef noodles today, let’s all go eat together!’ Somebody broke the silence and the awkward atmosphere was defused. Everyone began trudging out of the music room towards the cafeteria. Yoseob was still fuming and stood there silently without moving but he was eventually dragged along by Dongwoon.

The large group arrived at the cafeteria and took up one whole long table. The moment Junhyung sat down, Hara immediately took the seat next to him. Yoseob chose a seat as far away from them as possible but Dongwoon who didn’t seem to get the hint dragged him along to the seat directly opposite Junhyung.

When the beef noodles arrived, the whole table was already chatting among themselves. Yoseob pressed his lips together and fiddled with the pieces of spring onion in his beef noodles distractedly. He stole a glance at Junhyung’s bowl and sniffed softly trying to get his attention. Junhyung always used to take away the spring onions and place them in his own bowl, knowing that Yoseob hated them.

Junhyung had also not started eating yet. He was unconsciously picking up the pieces of the beef with his chopsticks and was just about to place them into Yoseob’s bowl like he had always done many times before but he suddenly seemed to come to his senses and retracted his hand like he had been burnt. He raised his head and caught Yoseob’s eye. Yoseob wanted to say something but before he could even open his mouth, a few pieces of beef suddenly placed themselves in Junhyung’s bowl . Junhyung looked up again, confused.

‘Um oppa, I’m currently on a diet. I don’t want to eat any meat.’ Hara smiled at him.

‘Yah, Hara noona is so biased. Why didn’t you give some to us, why are you only giving it to Junhyung hyung?’

‘Junhyung has been working so hard these few days.’ Hara said immediately.

‘In that case, we should all work hard too, hyung, you’re so lucky, a pretty girl by your side looking out for you, hey you two aren’t dating are you? ‘

Hearing this, Hara did not say anything else and stared down at her noodles as she ate with a rosy tinge spreading across her face. Junhyung also did not utter a single word but he did not deny it. Conversation at the table started up again as the both of them were silent.

Looking at them, Yoseob’s suspicions about them grew and grew and he felt like he had no right to say anything further. A sudden wave of nausea came over him and he put his hand to his mouth trying to keep from throwing up , left his seat and fled to the bathroom.

‘Urgh….urgh….’, Yoseob squatted next to the toilet bowl, retching till he had nothing left to throw up. He felt ill thinking about the both of them. Look at me, I have no appetite, I feel nauseous all the time, I’m currently suffering so much and Yong Junhyung, you’re just enjoying yourself with her when this is all your doing, who do you think you are. After a long bout of retching, the wave of nausea passed and Yoseob crouched on the floor massaging his aching stomach.

When he walked out of the bathroom, he saw that person standing outside , his eyes full of concern. Looking at him would only cause Yoseob pain, so he avoided Junhyung’s gaze and walked away. But he was feeling weak after all that throwing up and his knees buckled and almost fell down. Junhyung quickly walked over and tried to support him but Yoseob wrenched his arm out of Junhyung’s grasp even though his heart yearned to be in Junhyung’s embrace again. ‘Get away from me,’ he snapped and reached for Dongwoon’s arm instead.

‘Are you alright?’ Dongwoon asked, alarmed at his friend’s condition. ‘I’m okay, I feel better now.’ Yoseob replied weakly. Nausea was something normal for someone who was pregnant and Yoseob knew if most people could handle this, he could too. ‘Junhyung hyung was really worried just now when you left the table, he chased after you right away.’

‘Oh.’

‘Can’t you guys work it out whatever it is?’ Yoseob knew that Dongwoon was only feeling worried about both his hyungs and was constantly trying to patch up their relationship but in matters of the heart, as long as both parties are unwilling, any outsiders’ efforts will be of no use no matter how hard they try.

‘Er, I’ll think about it.’


	3. Chapter 3

As the day of the musical drew closer and closer, rehearsals were held more and more frequently. Composer Junhyung was busy working with the orchestra team, the costumes team, the stage effects team and many more. Everyone was working day and night to make this musical a success but it seemed like Yang Yoseob was the only person who wasn’t busy.

He would come late to rehearsals and leave early. He would take every chance possible to sit in a corner and rest. His tired and listless expression these days got many tongues wagging about how he didn’t seem to be taking the musical seriously.

Hara who was in charge of the singing team found fault with everything that Yoseob did and this was partly caused by her prejudice against him. It was no secret that Hara had feelings for Junhyung and everyone knew that Yoseob had been Junhyung’s ex. Hara was also well –liked by the club members. Now that Yoseob was seen as being ‘lazy’, the other members of the music club did not hesitate to complain about him to president Junhyung for Hara’s sake.

Junhyung had also noticed that Yoseob was not himself these days. He understood that Yoseob might be unwell so every time Hara brought up the subject of replacing Yoseob with someone else as the main vocal, he would stand up for Yoseob. This increased Hara’s dislike of Yoseob. She decided to take matters into her own hands and got some help from one of her juniors.

Yoseob still came late to rehearsals most of the time. No one knew that his time was being taken up by checkups at the hospital and also by moments when he was feeling sick and nauseous that he needed to rest. Until now, no one had noticed his pregnancy as it was still early days yet for him to be showing. He also did not tell any of his friends about it and when asked about his lateness, he would tell them that he had a family emergency, he needed to stay back after class to see the teacher…all sorts of reasons but the truth. He could not bring himself to tell Junhyung the truth as he was afraid that Junhyung might react negatively to it He told himself that it was no longer like last time , these days Junhyung belonged to someone else and telling him would just be a burden on him.

One day when Yoseob was actually on time for rehearsals, he was walking towards the practice room when he heard someone singing inside the room and the song was the one that he was supposed to sing for the musical. Pushing open the door, he was shocked to see that the rehearsal had already started. No one had informed him of the earlier time and the most hurtful thing was that someone else was standing in his place and singing his song without his knowledge. Dongwoon looked upset and called softly from across the room, ‘Hyung, I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you , I thought you weren’t coming today.’

Yoseob had never felt such anger before in his entire life. Yes, he was unwell and didn’t come as often as he should but whose fault was it that he was unwell! He was obviously suffering and yet he still had to make time to come for rehearsals without resting and who was he doing all this for? If they had wanted to change the main vocal , they should have told him from the start. The musical was two weeks away and they were only finding fault with him now?! They could have at least had the courtesy to tell him in advance that he was being replaced and not let him come all the way here and find out like this.

Junhyung was standing at the piano next to Hara. Yoseob had pushed the door open quite roughly and all eyes turned to look at him when he walked into the room but he only had eyes for one person. Junhyung felt guilt wash over him under Yoseob’s gaze and he would have given anything to wipe away the hurt and anger showing in the younger boy’s eyes at the moment. Junhyung knew he had hurt his Yoseob deeply this time, no wait, that was wrong, he had to remind himself that Yoseob was no longer his.

When Yoseob stormed out of the room, Junhyung’s first impulse was to go after him. Although they had broken up and he had no responsibility towards Yoseob in any way, he felt like he owed the other boy an explanation. He didn’t know if Yoseob still loved him but he didn’t want the boy to leave like that hating him and thinking that he didn’t care at all.

‘Wait…Yoseob…please wait…this is just a misunderstanding,’ Junhyung tried, catching up with him.

Yoseob was walking away as fast as he could, he couldn’t stand to see Junhyung with her and he didn’t want to listen to any of Junhyung’s nonsense at the moment. Junhyung wasn’t giving up though and began stammering out his explanation as he walked.

‘That boy…he’s Hara’s dongsaeng. He really likes the song so she just asked him to fill in for you this time….we didn’t know if you were coming today…wait Yoseob… please …just please listen to me….’

They had reached a bend in the road and Yoseob swiftly turned to avoid the lamp post at the corner but Junhyung was so focused on Yoseob that he knocked straight into the lamp post.

Junhyung let out a cry of pain which shocked Yoseob badly, making him turn around. He hated himself at that moment for still caring , he shouldn’t even bother but that cry of pain rang again in his head and he knew he would probably always care no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. He saw that the older boy had fallen to the ground, a red mark slowly forming on his forehead and he was rubbing the mark furiously.

Yoseob was already bending down to help Junhyung up and check his wound but something flitted at the corner of his eye and he spotted a figure running towards them from afar, a petite figure with dark wavy hair bouncing as she ran. His desire to help Junhyung disappeared , he hardened his heart and flagged down a passing taxi as fast as he could and got into it before she arrived. He tried to ignore the both of them but he couldn’t stop himself from peering out of the rear window at them. He saw Junhyung leaning on Hara as she helped him up, they looked so good together, and what about him? He was just a nobody sitting in a taxi , getting further and further away from them……He felt his eyes turning wet but he quickly wiped any tears away, hardening his heart again.

When he reached home, he discovered that he was running a slight fever and feeling exhausted. For the sake of the young one growing inside him, he chose not to take any medicine and went straight to bed, his mind feeling so tired.

Yoseob never went to a single rehearsal after that. It was impossible for the musical to go on without their main vocal but Junhyung refused to let anyone replace Yoseob despite many requests from Hara as he was still staunchly believing that Yoseob would come again. But the bright eyed boy with the amazing voice who kept apologizing for being late as he walked in never came through the door ever again.

Hara who would rather quit singing then let their school’s music club make a fool of themselves at the musical because of Yoseob, organized rehearsals secretly with her dongsaeng filling in for him behind Junhyung’s back. Junhyung got wind of it but he did nothing because he had no right to let everyone’s efforts go to waste. The music club did not belong to him, everyone’s efforts did not belong to him, the only thing that had belonged to him was now gone and he did not know what to do about it.

‘I’m sorry, please come back.’ While lying on his bed, Junhyung’s fingers typed and re-typed this message on his mobile phone, not knowing if he should send it or not. In the end, he still sent a message.

To: Yoseobie

When are you coming back? I’m sorry.

From: Junnie

 

 

Can you please come back, not just to the music club, but back to me.


	4. Chapter 4

Yoseob was resting on his bed when he felt his phone vibrate. He sighed inwardly because he had spent the past two weeks trying to forget about Junhyung and now it seemed like this beautiful morning might be ruined for him due to a simple text message that he didn’t want to read.

‘Please come back’.

Maybe it was because he had been feeling very tired these few days, he didn’t even have dreams anymore when he slept. He should have been well rested and happy today after a good night’s sleep but this message was the first thing that he saw when he woke up.

‘Please come back’.

What do you mean by that, asking me to come back just to save your musical?

He was sitting on his bed staring at his phone and wondering why that person was texting him when his phone vibrated again. Not just one time, but many times.

How many messages did he send me?

He opened some of them just to discover that all the content was more or less the same, telling him to please come back.

Right, today is the day of the musical, Yong Junhyung is just trying to bring back the main vocal. Hasn’t he already replaced me with someone else, why would I need to go back? Are you only calling me back now because you’ve realised that my replacement isn’t as good as me? Am I just someone that you can order around?

With these thoughts running through his mind, Yoseob cursed Junhyung under his breath but his body was moving on its own accord. He didn’t know why he was climbing out of bed ,putting on his clothes and running a comb through his hair. He didn’t know why he was trying to make himself look as presentable as possible. He also didn’t know why he was making his way to the venue as fast as he could. He couldn’t understand it at all.

He arrived at the venue just to see a dejected bunch of music club members waiting backstage for their turn to perform. It didn’t matter how grand their production was, it wouldn’t be the same without a main vocal to lead the singing. Junhyung had put his foot down and refused to replace Yoseob even till the very end.

‘Hi!,’ Yoseob appeared suddenly in front of them staring with surprise at everyone else who looked shocked to see him. ‘Why are all of you staring at me? I’m just late again as usual,’

‘Yoseob! You’re finally here! We’ve all been waiting for you, come here and let me put some makeup on you.’

‘I’ll style his hair.’

‘Yoseob are you thirsty? I’ll get you a drink.’

Yoseob was really unaccustomed to being treated like a star all of a sudden. He just sat there quietly, letting the others fuss over him however they liked. He reminded himself not to look at Junhyung who was staring at him with a slight grin on his face but his eyes kept flitting to him subconsciously.

Junhyung was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. It was a hot day so he wasn’t wearing a hoodie or anything and the shirt he was wearing was so familiar to Yoseob. This was the shirt that the older boy had been wearing when they kissed for the first time. Yoseob became good friends with Junhyung after that first meeting in the detention room. You could call it love at first sight for Yoseob the moment he met Junhyung but he never dared to confess his feelings for fear of Junhyung not feeling the same way. This secret crush affected Yoseob to the point of him being more clumsy than usual whenever he was around Junhyung. It was this clumsiness that caused him to spill a whole cup of cold water all over Junhyung’s shirt one day.

FLASHBACK

*splash*

‘Oh my goodness Junhyung, I’m..I’m so sorry,’ stammered Yoseob, seeing a wet patch form on the front of Junhyung’s favorite blue t-shirt. Junhyung smiled to himself , watching the younger boy dab furiously at the growing wet patch with some tissues but it was to no avail as Junhyung’s shirt was already soaked. Seeing the younger boy’s embarrassed face, Junhyung smiled, ‘ Don’t worry about it, I’ll just change,’ and took off his shirt there and then much to Yoseob’s shock. Yoseob’s cheeks flamed, and he looked away quickly but not before catching a glimpse of Junhyung’s chest. Junhyung had guessed long ago that Yoseob liked him and he knew full well what was going through the other boy’s mind right now. Laughing inwardly, he said,’ Hey Yoseob, if you wanted me to take my shirt off, you didn’t have to do all this, you could have just asked you know,’

Yoseob’s cheeks burned a darker shade of red and Junhyung felt a sense of satisfaction. ‘It was an accident, I didn’t mean mmmm…..’ Whatever Yoseob had meant to say was cut off by heart shaped lips planting themselves firmly on his own lips. His first kiss wasn’t like how the movies described it to be. There were no fireworks, only a sweet sense of familiarity that was much better than any fireworks in Yoseob’s opinion. Junhyung’s lips were soft, warm and tasted like the cola he had been drinking earlier. They fit just right onto his own lips. When they finally broke apart for air, Yoseob who was at a loss for words looked down quickly, avoiding Junhyung’s gaze but a hand pushed up his chin, forcing him to look into the older boy’s eyes. ‘Yang Yoseob, would you believe me if I told you that I’ve been wanting to do that for ages to someone whom I really like? I believe he likes me too, don’t you think so?’

Yoseob blinked furiously, feeling dazed. ‘You knew?’ ‘Yeah of course I knew and I was waiting for that someone to say something yet he never did for so long and I figured that I couldn’t wait anymore, you know?’ Junhyung said, smiling at him. ‘Now that we both know what we feel, will you be my boyfriend Yang Yoseob? Please say yes because I’m dying to kiss you again.’

FLASHBACK ENDS

…..Yoseob shook his head, why was he thinking about that right now, he wasn’t here because of Junhyung, he just didn’t want to miss this chance of performing onstage.

It was only when he stepped onstage that he realised this wasn’t really fun after all. There were so many people in the audience and it would be embarrassing if he made a mistake. And what was wrong with the weather today, it was so hot that he felt slightly dizzy. When the music started, he automatically began to sing without even having to think about it. He could remember all the lyrics that Junhyung had ever penned by heart.

Junhyung was standing just below the stage. There were so many people around him yet the only person he was seeing was Yoseob.

‘The promise we made to stay together   
Forever (I’ll keep it right here)   
Even though I might end up walking this road alone for a while   
I will show you my everything

Even when I close my eyes, the light that used to shine on us is still there  
Our precious times, I’ll cherish them deeply   
Even when the pain comes in many times   
Those days we promised of forever  
I will never forget those moments until the end   
I Remember’

Yoseob sang with all his might, almost using up whatever energy he had. When the music stopped, dizziness came over him all of a sudden. His knees buckled and he felt like he was going to faint.

‘Crash’. The loud sound of someone falling to the ground.

‘Someone call an ambulance! Somebody fainted !’

Yoseob watched as Junhyung bounded onto the stage and lifted the limp body on the ground (guess who) into his arms while shouting for an ambulance. He just stood there, silently watching with indescribable feelings in his heart as Junhyung walked away with that person in his arms.

A prince riding in majestically on his white horse to rescue his princess but what a pity that the princess isn’t me. I left my glass slipper behind too, will you remember to pick it up?


	5. Chapter 5

Yoseob stared at the ceiling, full of thoughts in his mind. The image of Junhyung carrying Hara in his arms off the stage was etched into his mind. It was even invading his dreams, everytime he closed his eyes, the image would appear again, torturing him slowly-----that anxious, worried face and the gentleness and warmth in those eyes, all of that didn’t belong to him anymore.

He could vaguely hear the doctor’s nagging right next to his ear.

‘What were you thinking? Still performing even with your body in this condition? Do you even care about your health at all? You might not care about yourself but don’t you care about the baby in your stomach?’

‘ Besides me, does anyone really care about the baby?’ Yoseob said weakly, a questioning tone in his voice. His face was pale and his voice shook with every word. ‘The baby in my stomach, he or she is just like me, he or she probably doesn’t have anyone caring about them either.’

The birth of a child should have been a happy event, something that both its parents were looking forward to. Yoseob had been abandoned after getting pregnant, so this meant that the baby had been abandoned as well.

My baby, I have already failed you as a parent even before your birth.

‘If the child’s father knew about this, I’m sure he wouldn’t just do nothing.’

‘How unfortunate but the father of this baby doesn’t really care about me anymore,’ A lump caught in Yoseob’s throat . He couldn’t keep the disappointed feelings in any longer. At that crucial moment, that moment when he thought he was going to faint, he saw Junhyung rush onstage but no, the other boy wasn’t doing it for him but for her instead. Junhyung probably hadn’t even noticed him looking faint. He probably didn’t care about Yoseob anymore, he was only thinking about Hara.

‘Tell him that he has a child, I’m sure that he will care,’

‘Yes, Junhyung isn’t a bad person,’ He knew that Junhyung would probably care but he couldn’t do it. This would only make him feel even more pitiful. He was worthless, using their unborn child to win back Junhyung’s heart because he had nothing left to make the other boy stay.

‘What are you waiting for then? Tell him.’

‘I will, I’m just waiting for the right moment,’ There might never be a right moment.

The doctor walked out of the room, closing the door softly. Yoseob closed his eyes, deep in thought.

\----

At that moment, Junhyung was also at the hospital helping Hara. She was being admitted to the hospital and Junhyung was at the counter helping her fill in any required forms.

Yoseob sat quietly in a corner of the waiting room , waiting for his sister who was paying his consultation fees at the cashier’s. The hospital was so big and there were so many people in the waiting room and yet he managed to bump into Junhyung . He sighed to himself thinking how was it possible that he could spot Junhyung even in this crowd. He quickly shifted his gaze as well and shrank further back into the corner, hoping that Junhyung wouldn’t spot him. It didn’t take long for Junhyung to seehim though. The older boy was standing next to him only after a few minutes.

‘Yoseob.’

He looked up unwillingly. The older boy’s warm gaze that had always been comforting hurt his eyes now. ‘Oh hi, it’s you.’ Yoseob pretended to only see him now.

‘How are you? Are you sick?’

‘Oh no I’m not,’ Yoseob lied quickly. ‘I only came to visit a friend in hospital,’ He planted a fake smile on his face.

Honestly if Junhyung had bothered to notice, he would have seen that Yoseob was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. ‘What are you doing here?’ Yoseob asked curiously.

‘Hara is being admitted to hospital.’

‘Really? I hope it’s nothing serious.’

‘No, she’s just a bit dehydrated. She knows a doctor in this hospital so she decided to stay here for a few days to rest. She’s been working very hard the past month, she’s not feeling very well,’

It hurt to keep that fake smile on his face. Yoseob wished there was some way for him to shut his ears and not hear a word that Junhyung was saying. Hara, Hara, Hara, the only words that came out of Junhyung’s mouth nowadays was always about Hara. ‘It’s good that she’s OK. You probably haven’t been home since yesterday right?’

‘Yeah, Hara’s parents are abroad right now. She needs someone to look after her.’

‘I see,’ Yoseob nodded his head vigorously.

What about me? Who will look after me?

Not long after that, Yoseob’s sister returned with his medicine. When Junhyung spotted the bag of medicine and realised that something wasn’t right, Yoseob had already stuffed the bag into his backpack. ‘ Go on then, we’ll be heading home now,’ Yoseob said goodbye to him before Junhyung could say anything. He quickly shoved his surprised sister outside, still maintaining that smile that did not reach his eyes.

In the taxi, Yoseob tried to keep the tears that were threatening to fall at bay. His mobile phone vibrated suddenly. It was Junhyung. Thank goodness it was just a message and not a phone call.

‘You are sick, aren’t you?’

Yoseob typed out a long reply but decided against it finally. He erased everything and typed, ‘I’m OK’ instead.

‘Should I come visit you tomorrow?’

‘There’s no need, it’s just a cold.’

‘Remember to take your medicine if you’re sick.’

That’s right, Junhyung I’m sick and I’m suffering from a disease called love. Do you know of any medicine that can cure me, something that can make my love for you disappear?


	6. Chapter 6

How unlucky of Yoseob to meet his rival the moment he stepped out of the house.

After going for a scheduled checkup, he was overjoyed to find out that his baby was perfectly healthy and doing well. This was good news for him as he had been planning to raise the baby anyway. As long as his child was healthy, he told himself that Yong Junhyung was not important…not important at all.

But he just had to bump into Hara, the worst part being that the first words out of her mouth were words that he didn’t want to hear.

‘Are you really going to keep the child? Don’t you know that the child will suffer if he or she doesn’t have a father?’

Yoseob had no idea how Hara found out that he was pregnant yet he didn’t really care because the only thing that mattered to him was whether Junhyung knew of it or not.

Hara continued sarcastically, ‘ You’re not thinking of using this baby to blackmail Junhyung and make him come back to you, are you? How clever of you to make such a move but do you really think that he’ll care? He has me now so it doesn’t matter whether you have a child or not. He’s not going to bother about you anymore so you should just save all that effort,’

Her words cut into Yoseob’s heart but he replied bravely, ‘Since you have so much free time to bother about me, why don’t you bother about yourself first? Has he even gone public about the two of you yet?’

‘Of course! We’re already dating,’

‘In that case, why are you so worried?’ If the two of them were really in love, nothing would tear them apart. Surely a new and pretty girlfriend was much more appealing to Junhyung than the ex who chose to break up with him first.

‘I’m warning you to not use your baby to do anything funny.’

Yoseob snapped,’ The child is mine and has nothing to do with either of you. Just mind your own business from now on and leave me alone,’ He pushed past her and continued on his way. There were better things to do in life than get all worked up over these unimportant people. He pondered for a moment over what Hara had said. It seemed like Junhyung still did not know about the baby.

Junhyung and Hara were official …..so it was like that now. Now he knew that he had lost Junhyung for good.

************

Initially, Yoseob did not want to attend the party that was being held to celebrate the success of the musical but Dongwoon had pleaded and pleaded with him to go with him to the extent of sending a taxi over to his house to pick him up. Yoseob ‘s plan was to just show his face , sit there for half an hour or so and go home since the ‘party’ was being held at a karaoke place and the loud thumping music annoyed him and might affect the baby. Just when he was about to leave, he was stopped and dragged into a game of ‘Truth or Dare’. Everyone would draw numbers from a pile and the person who drew the highest number would ask the person with the lowest number to answer a truth or carry out a dare. If the person in question refused to do the assigned task, he or she would have to take a shot.

It was such a silly game to be playing. Yoseob scoffed in in his mind . He didn’t want to play something like that. Furthermore, he might see the ‘new couple’ being all lovey-dovey with each other if he stayed there any longer. He only wanted to get out of there as fast as possible and leave Dongwoon to explain his absence but he didn’t expect the boy to get so drunk. The younger boy was already wasted, snoring in a corner with his head lolling. Yoseob sighed, slumping down in his seat. It looked like he had no choice but to stay there and accompany Dongwoon because he didn’t want the younger boy to go home alone so drunk. I’m always unlucky at the worst times, thought Yoseob.

The first few rounds of the game were pretty normal. Most people chose Truth and got asked pretty standard questions of the game like when was their first kiss, who was their first love etc. But Hara drew the smallest number in the next round and chose the Truth option as well. Everyone seemed embarrassed to be asking a decent ‘well brought up’ girl like her questions of that sort so they ended up daring her to kiss any one person in the room.

There were actually quite a number of girls in the room at the time and most of them were her good friends. It would have been easy for Hara to kiss anyone of these female friends to get it over and done with but all the girls refused to let her do it when she looked like she was going to choose them. Her face blushing bright red, Hara moved towards Junhyung instead and gave him a peck on the cheek. Instantly, the room became an uproar.

Junhyung’s first reaction after being kissed was to look at Yoseob. He glanced over at the other boy but Yoseob was busy chatting with a friend and hadn’t noticed. Junhyung didn’t knew why but a cold feeling crept into his heart at how Yoseob seemed oblivious to him now.

Bad luck seemed to befall Junhyung in all the following rounds. He kept drawing the smallest number and got asked the same questions but he refused to answer them everytime and took many shots. The others soon lost interest and dared him to hug someone in the room instead. Hara who was sitting right next to him blushed suddenly and looked down, a shy smile on her face , turning the whole room into chaos again.

The noise was giving Yoseob a headache. He stuffed his fingers into his ears, trying to block out the cheers and whoops. Suddenly, he felt a warm body move up next to him and the next thing he knew, a strong pair of arms was wrapping him gingerly into a hug, the familiar smell of Junhyung wafting into his nostrils. The hug lasted too short for Yoseob’s liking. Junhyung released him quickly and fled back to his seat.

The whole room fell silent for half a minute. Yoseob wasn’t sure what had just happened to him. He could only stare blankly at the small table in front of him and when he finally dared to look up, he saw Hara’s face had turned pale. He could totally understand what she was feeling right now. How horrible it must be for her to see her boyfriend choosing to hug his ex out of all the people in the room instead of her.

Surely she must want to know the reason why. Please tell me why Yong Junhyung, I’m also curious to find out.


	7. Chapter 7

‘Did you guys want me to join the game as well? I’m not good at these kind of games, I’m always the unlucky one to be picked, ‘ joked Yoseob, trying to defuse the awkward atmosphere in the room. He drew one of the numbers as well.

As always, he was unlucky again. Drawing the number zero which couldn’t be any smaller. What to do now, he didn’t want to answer any of the awkward questions they might throw his way. Take a shot? He couldn’t do that either for the sake of the baby and his drinking representative Dongwoon had passed out. He had no choice but to choose Dare.

‘Hey, kiss someone in the room right now. Kiss someone that you like but never dared to say. There are so many pretty girls here today Yoseob, you don’t have anything to lose.’ Someone hollered. The whole room burst out into wolf whistles.

What an absurd dare this was. He really did have nothing to lose if he kissed anyone in the room, unless of course he kissed Junhyung then he would have everything to lose. But why was Junhyung staring at him with that expectant look in his eyes? Did he really think that Yoseob wouldn’t choose anyone else besides him?

Yoseob got up and moved towards Junhyung. That boy was already grinning from ear to ear. That idiot, he really thinks I’m going to kiss him, thought Yoseob. He stopped right in front of Junhyung, making sure that he stared deeply into the other boy’s eyes before doing something so unexpected that the whole room was shocked into silence again. He turned to Hara who was right beside Junhyung and kissed her full on her glossed lips.

It wasn’t just a peck on the lips, it was a proper kiss full on the lips, giving Hara such a shock that she didn’t even have time to pull away from him. ‘You….’ She stammered , only to see Yoseob had already walked away by the time she realised who it was that had just kissed her. Her look of outrage gave Yoseob a savage sense of satisfaction.

Getting kissed right in front of her boyfriend by her boyfriend’s ex. The person who should be feeling the worst right now should be Hara and not him right? While thinking about this, Yoseob rushed out of the room. He knew that he wasn’t an angel himself, he would much rather throw his own life into chaos by his actions then to let Hara win. He smiled to himself bitterly. What kind of person had he become?

‘Ow!’

A hand grabbed his arm in a deathly grip and he was being dragged against his will into another room. ‘Click.’ The sound of the door locking.

Junhyung was pressing him hard up against the wall with one hand , the other pushing his messy fringe out of his eyes. Yoseob was powerless to move, staring up at Junhyung helplessly.

‘You’ve been drinking too much,’ Yoseob finally said, swallowing hard. It had been a long time since he was in such close proximity to Junhyung and he wasn’t used to this weird feeling. His heart was thumping so loudly that he was sure both of them could hear it. It didn’t help that the older boy’s hand was now roaming up and down his chest without his permission. Yoseob couldn’t even hide how nervous he was feeling at that moment.

‘Yes, I know, what about you?’, said Junhyung and smiled lazily, his hands becoming more daring , reaching into Yoseob’s shirt and continuing their forbidden journey all over the younger boy’s soft skin. He was thinking about how beautiful Yoseob looked right now, the beautiful boy with those large sparkling eyes that he loved. Yoseob was busy trying to remove Junhyung’s hand from inside his shirt and didn’t bother to answer the question.

Seeing the other boy’s distraction, Junhyung reached out and grabbed the boy’s chin. His lips pressed lightly on Yoseob’s . ‘I don’t think you drank anything at all,’ he whispered.

Hot breath smelling of beer ghosted on Yoseob’s face, Junhyung’s whole body leaning on Yoseob , suffocating the younger boy with his closeness. Yoseob pushed hard at his shoulders, trying to get him off but the difference in their heights and the strength that Junhyung was putting on him rendered all his efforts useless. In Junhyung’s opinion, Yoseob’s struggling was too weak, the older boy didn’t feel it at all. But his heart ached when he thought of how Yoseob was fighting against his advances. Since when did Yoseob ever refuse him? When had they become like this? He shifted his position, pinning Yoseob to the wall but with the boy’s face pressing against the wall this time.

Yoseob was well and truly trapped against the wall. He couldn’t move and the feeling of being held down was killing him. He continued struggling with all his might and the next moment, he felt his shirt being lifted up and Junhyung’s hands caressing his chest.

‘You’re really brave you know that? Daring to kiss someone else in front of me,’ He felt Junhyung’s lips move against the skin of his ear.

Yoseob knew that Junhyung was angry. He could hear it in his voice. But was he angry at Yoseob for kissing someone else or angry because Yoseob had dared to kiss his girlfriend….

‘What are you doing now then? Isn’t your girlfriend right next door? Don’t you think that you’re also being too brave by doing what you’re doing now?, Yoseob retorted angrily. He was testing waters , testing Junhyung as to whether he was really in a relationship with Hara.

Junhyung didn’t say anything. In fact , he was only concentrating on kissing Yoseob.

Wet butterfly kisses moved their way up Yoseob’s back to the back of his neck, making his breath hitch. Junhyung’s strong left arm was wrapped firmly round Yoseob’s waist while his right arm was trying its best to undo the button of the younger boy’s jeans.

Yoseob struggled harder, raising his voice, ‘If you have needs, go look for her! Why don’t you just go to Hara, that new goddess of your heart instead of me?’ He was trying so hard, he needed to hear Junhyung’s explanation from his own mouth because that one explanation could take away all the suspicions he had. Yong Junhyung, please tell me the truth, please tell me that you’ve never loved anyone else besides me, that I’m the only one in your heart.

‘You said it yourself Yoseob, she’s a goddess. I couldn’t bear to….’ Junhyung felt the struggling body under him go stiff and fall silent. What happened? ‘Yoseob?’ he tried.

The sound of Junhyung whispering his name against his ear and Yoseob lost it. His heart felt like it had been pierced by something sharp, just a tiny puncture that wouldn’t cause a serious wound, but somehow he felt numbing pain running through his body even to his fingertips. The pain was so great that he lost the strength in his legs for a moment. It was only the support of Junhyung pressing him up against the wall that kept him from collapsing. ‘Please….stop,’ Yoseob emitted a soft sob.

‘He’s crying? Is he hurt? Did I hurt him?’ These thoughts ran wildly in Junhyung’s mind.

The older boy turned Yoseob to face him, staring at his face anxiously. Looking at Yoseob’s red eyes, he knew that maybe he had gone too far. ‘Yoseob are you alright? I’m sorry,” he started but Yoseob didn’t want to hear it anymore. The younger boy was biting down hard on his lower lip, trying to keep the sobs in as fat tears trickled down his chubby cheeks.

I hate myself, I really do, I have never been the type who cries easily yet I’m always crying because of this bastard. And yet, I mean nothing to him, nothing at all.

Yoseob looked down at himself, seeing his T-shirt that had been pulled up , exposing his pale chest, his unbuttoned jeans hanging loosely on his hips. He was only seventeen, almost eighteen. He was the same age as Hara yet Junhyung only cared about her and not him. Junhyung only cared about how she felt. He would never do such things to her in public in front of everyone so as not to embarrass her or hurt her feelings yet he would come to Yoseob when he was drunk and strip him without his consent, forcing him to do things that he didn’t want to do.

‘Yong Junhyung…..what am I to you…..in your eyes…..I must be a really cheap person right…..’Yoseob’s voice trembled with every word, trying to speak through his tears.

I gave myself to you yet I’m not worthy of your love, isn’t it. The only thing I’m good for is to be abandoned after getting pregnant, after being used.

‘I….,’ Junhyung needed to explain himself, he needed to tell Yoseob how he felt right now. He needed to wipe away the sadness in Yoseob’s eyes because cheerful people like Yoseob should never have such an expression on his face. People like Yoseob should always have sunny smiles on their faces and not that awful hurt expression.

A sharp knock on the door…..

Junhyung hurriedly helped Yoseob to straighten his clothes before a key turned in the lock and a worker at the karaoke place popped his head around the door. Standing behind him was someone that Yoseob didn’t ever want to see. He couldn’t take it anymore. He pushed past Junhyung and ran out of the room while Hara was grabbing Junhyung’s arm and asking what was going on.

Yoseob clearly heard Junhyung shout his name as he ran but he didn’t want to stop and hear the other boy out ever again. A little voice in his head repeated: ‘Don’t ever stop for unworthy people ever again, because at the end of it all, they don’t really care and never will.’


	8. Chapter 8

[SIDESHOT: THE SMALL TOWN]

This place was a small town. Only an average of about ten people came and went through the town everyday so naturally everyone was surprised when a new face appeared in the town. How old is he, what’s his name, why did he settle in our small town alone? He looks young enough to be a student, why isn’t he in school?

He was very well-mannered, a good boy but he kept to himself and didn’t talk to other people much.

This person became the talk of the town, but no one could figure out why he was here. They only knew that he liked wearing baggy t-shirts and his youthful face was always smiling.

Every morning, the boy would cycle to the market to buy breakfast or groceries. One morning, it rained heavily in the town just when he was about to cycle back home. The boy had no choice but to take shelter under the porch of an old house. He shook the droplets of rain water out of his hair, turned and saw a stray dog right next him also trying to get its fur dry. He felt a pang of pity for the poor animal.

‘Hey are you hungry?’

The dog wagged its tail.

Laughing, the boy took out some bread and milk from his bag and shared some of it with the dog.

After they were both full, the rain had finally stopped. The dog continued to wag its tail, staring up at the kind person who had fed it. The boy bent down, patted the animal’s furry head and told the dog apologetically, ‘I’m sorry but I can’t bring you home,’ He then hurriedly got on his bicycle and cycled away.

Everyone who witnessed that scene shook their heads, this kind boy, he was always smiling, but behind the smile, they could see tears in his eyes.

During these days that you aren’t by my side, I’m living here by myself…alone….

[SIDESHOT 2: SICK]

Yang Yoseob was sick.

Junhyung knew that Yang Yoseob was sick starting from the day that he saw the boy at the hospital. Although he was smiling, although he said that he was just there to visit a friend, Junhyung had not believed him. He had clearly seen Yoseob’s sister carrying that little bag of medicine and the abrupt way that the both of them left further increased his suspicions.

Junhyung asked him, ‘Are you sick?’

‘I’m OK’

Junhyung didn’t believe him.

‘Should I come see you tomorrow?’

‘There’s no need, it’s just a cold,’

‘Remember to take your medicine if you’re sick.’

Yoseob didn’t reply him after that.

Just a cold? He did not believe that at all.

Yang Yoseob was really sick. He had a disease, one that made him unable to see Junhyung.

When he saw Yoseob walking towards him, he shouted after the boy, ‘Hey Yoseobie,’

It wasn’t possible that Yoseob didn’t hear him. Yet the younger boy just brushed past him and waved to someone next to him. Junhyung was non-existent in Yoseob’s eyes.

‘Did you watch last night’s match?’

‘Yeah, I did. It was so amazing,’

Junhyung saw Yoseob walking away with his friends. He felt troubled.

During lunchtime, Junhyung carried his plate to a seat right next to Yoseob. The younger boy used to be so talkative, always poking his nose into every conversation. Now, he was always eating by himself in a corner, didn’t he feel lonely?

Junhyung asked,’ Are you by yourself?’

‘Are you by yourself?’

While he was asking Yoseob that question, the people around him were also asking him the same question. It was Hara and the others from the music club. They sat down next to the both of them and began talking and laughing.

Yoseob remained silent all the way. The old Yoseob was never like this. Yoseob should be the one who chattered nonstop, since when did he become so quiet. Was it because he was sick?

‘Let’s all go out tonight for a movie.’

‘Yes yes!’

‘Junhyung , are you going?’

Junhyung continued staring at the silently eating Yoseob and shook his head, ‘No I’m not going,’ He wanted to accompany Yoseob, the boy was sick.

After class, Junhyung paced in front of Yoseob’s classroom for a long time, waiting for him. The younger boy saw him ,took out his homework and started doing it instead. Junhyung knew that if he continued waiting by the door, Yoseob would never come out.

So, he waited in front of the school gate instead.

What should I say when I see him later? Hi Seobie? I should also grab his heavy school bag and put my arm around him, just like last time.

Seobie can you forgive me? Can we get back together please Seobie?

Thinking about his special pet name for Yoseob, Junhyung’s chest hurt.

It was alright if Yoseob didn’t want to get back together with him. He would try to woo the boy again. Help him with his homework, cycle to the other side of town to fetch him to school, tell him all the things that he liked to hear. Maybe he would be able to hear Yoseob’s wonderful clear laughter again after that. If Yoseob wanted to play football with him after class, Junhyung would accompany him even though he wasn’t good at the game himself. Besides that, he was never going to let anyone else get close to Yoseob, never going to let anyone else put their arm round the cute boy’s shoulders and whisper into his ear. Yoseob was his and his alone.

It slowly became dark. The last teacher walked out of the school gate and locked it.

‘Eh? Junhyung? What are you still doing here?’

‘I’m waiting for Yang Yoseob.’

‘Yang Yoseob? From the next class? Didn’t he already transfer schools last semester?’

Transfer schools…..

That wasn’t possible. He saw Yoseob at school every day. He saw Yoseob carrying his school bag and walking into the school with a sad expression every morning. He was everywhere, in the corridors, the classrooms, the cafeteria, the music room…..

How could Yoseob have transferred schools? The teacher must be pulling his leg.

‘It’s alright, I’ll just wait here.’

I don’t want to do anything, I can’t do anything. I only want to see him again, apologise and tell him that I miss him and I’ll never let him walk out of my life ever again………


	9. Chapter 9

5 YEARS LATER

Memories are like photographs that you put away in a drawer. The drawer can be opened, you can look through them anytime and everything will come rushing back. Yong Junhyung tried not to think about all those past memories during the daytime, but at night, he couldn’t stop himself and thoughts about Yoseob would keep popping up in his mind automatically.

It was late in the afternoon. Sitting in his house with the window open and cigarette in hand, Junhyung stared outside listlessly at the cloudy sky. He felt very lonely all of a sudden. It was times like these that made him miss Yoseob the most. Yoseob walked out of his life that fateful night 5 years ago and never came back. Junhyung sighed, knowing that he would never understand why. How could Yoseob have left him so heartlessly? Was this his revenge on Junhyung for hurting him badly? Just like that, he had left Junhyung, making the older boy search high and low for his whereabouts these 5 years without avail, making the older boy go crazy thinking about him, making the older boy hate himself for being unable to predict that Yoseob’s retreating back would be the last Junhyung would ever see of him.

Junhyung finally realised why he was thinking about Yoseob during the daytime today instead of at night. It was because of the magazine interview that morning, that question asking him whether he was seeing anyone at the moment.

Junhyung was now a famous music producer. He kept a low profile but his handsome bad boy looks put him in the public eye and there were always rumours linking him to various female celebrities, even to those that he had never even met before. But in the past month, Hara’s name was always brought up together with his.

‘We heard that Miss Goo Hara, the fiancée of the CEO of DSP Corp was your first love? Were the two of you high school sweethearts?’

First love….high school….the first thing that came into his mind suddenly was Yang Yoseob. His thoughts buzzed and he began to feel uncomfortable. The reporters noticed that his expression changed when Hara’s name was brought up and quickly made a note of it. The entertainment news would be getting some juicy headlines today.

When the interview ended, the reporters began whispering among themselves about how Hara’s name seemed to have brought back some unhappy memories for Junhyung. Whatever he had had with her last time must have been true love. Hearing them, Junhyung laughed bitterly, ‘Yes, my first love was in high school but it wasn’t Hara.’

After everything had ended, Junhyung was just about to head to the hotel washroom when someone called after him, ‘Sir!’

He turned around surprised, looking for the source of the sound. Was the person calling him? He pointed to himself with a questioning look.

A hotel worker came running after him with a child about four or five years old in her arms, looking slightly annoyed,’ Sir, your son is here,’

My son? Junhyung was struck dumb for a moment. He looked around him but there was no one else in sight. She had to be talking to him. ‘What?’

But who was this child? Did the child even look like him for the woman to think that he was the father? He glanced at the child in her arms and was stunned. This child…..did resemble him, the shape of his face, his nose, his mouth….

‘Sir! How could you just leave your child alone to run free like that? Look, he’s crying. He must have been so scared!’, the woman said glaring at him reproachfully. She then placed the little boy into Junhyung’s arms and walked away before he could even react.

Junhyung had never carried a child before, but the little boy immediately stopped crying when placed in his arms. The child stared at Junhyung shyly, blinking his large round eyes.

‘Where’s your mum?’ Junhyung regretted smoking that last cigarette just now. The child might inhale his smoky breath.

The boy shook his head slowly, sparkling eyes never leaving Junhyung’s face.

‘Can you walk by yourself?’

The little boy nodded. Junhyung placed the boy on his feet on the ground and took a tiny hand in his own large one. ‘Let’s go look for your mother,’

He decided to bring the child to the concierge. He had always been a man of few words. He knew that the little boy might still feel afraid after getting separated from his mother and he felt like he should be offering some words of comfort but he really had no idea what to say at that time.

The little boy clinging on to his hand for dear life was not like other little kids he had seen. The child did not seem worried about holding a stranger’s hand at all, just following him silently as he walked. Any passerby could have taken the both of them for father and son, Junhyung senior holding a mini Junhyung by the hand.

When they arrived at the concierge, the small boy let go of Junhyung’s hand suddenly and ran like the wind towards a figure standing at the counter and clung on to the person’s leg like a limpet.

Seeing the little boy run like that, Junhyung didn’t think that he needed to give chase as the child could only be running towards a familiar face and the fact that he was clinging on so tightly meant that the person had to be a family member. Junhyung was planning to just walk away and be the nameless hero but he caught a glimpse of the person’s face and his legs froze on the spot.

Yang…Yang Yo….Yang Yoseob…..

‘Yoseob?’

******

Yoseob returned to Korea from Japan today after living there for a few years. He had just finished checking in at the hotel when he turned around and discovered that his son had disappeared into thin air. Just when his pulse began to race in fear and worry, his son miraculously reappeared by his side. He was about to thank the Good Samaritan who had brought his son back when he raised his head and saw that it was the person that he had been thinking about all these years—Yong Junhyung.

He had imagined all kinds of scenarios of them meeting each other again in his head but this was way out of his expectations! His first impulse was to flee. Heart pounding again, he wordlessly grabbed his son’s hand ,dragging him as fast as he could towards the lift, jabbing at the lift’s close button furiously.

Junhyung followed behind him, shouting after him but nothing could stop the closing lift door. The last thing that the older man saw was a pair of wary and hurt eyes before the door closed.

In the end, I made up my mind to leave everything behind and follow you but my back was turned for a second and you were gone. At the final crossroads, you chose to give up on me………..


	10. Chapter 10

LIGHTLESS, a bar that Junhyung frequented. When he was feeling down or lonely, he would always go there.

Those feelings were overwhelming him tonight.

Ever since that day when he saw Yoseob at the hotel, he had gone through life in a daze. Still in disbelief over the fact that Yoseob had chosen to avoid him, Junhyung had hung around the hotel and its surroundings for a few days but there had been no sign of the younger man at all. It was like he had disappeared into thin air. He had tried to make the hotel staff tell him Yoseob’s room number or his whereabouts but the snooty receptionist refused him haughtily, saying that guest information was private.

Yang Yoseob…and that little boy. They had separated for five years already and so many things could have happened in those five years. He couldn’t believe that Yoseob had his own kid now. He wondered whether they had lived alright these five years, whether or not Yoseob had someone special in his life to take the place that he was unable to fill, to love and care for him like Junhyung wished he could. But it didn’t matter anymore did it, whether Yoseob was happy or not, as it was no longer his business to care.

It was really none of his business, if not Yoseob wouldn’t have fled the moment he saw Junhyung without even giving him a chance to explain, if not Yoseob wouldn’t have chosen to disappear again so heartlessly…..

Junhyung raised his glass to his lips and downed the entire drink in one gulp. He felt so gloomy right now , just wanting to curl up in his bed at home and never come out.

‘Hey Mr Joker, long time no see,’ A hearty voice sounded next to him.

‘Ah, Doojoon it’s you.’

Doojoon was Junhyung’s colleague at the production studio. He was a sociable person, a good friend and a talented producer himself. He had recently returned from Japan where he had spent a year collaborating with Japanese artists to produce an album. Junhyung hadn’t seen him in a long time so he quickly bought a new round of drinks for them to chat and catch up.

‘Why the long face? You still haven’t found that someone who can make you smile yet?” Doojoon grinned, clapping him lightly on the back. Junhyung winced, shaking his head. I did find him but he left me again so it’s equivalent to not finding anyone at all.

‘Let’s talk about you instead old friend, you seem really happy after coming back from Japan, ‘said Junhyung, trying to change the subject.

Doojoon laughed. ‘Yeah, you know what, I think I found my true love there,’. He gulped down his drink and began relating to Junhyung about the wonderful person he had met in Japan. ‘This person, the moment I saw him, I felt like he was someone I could spend the rest of my life with you know? I’m not always so lucky, so I’m not going to miss this opportunity to be happy,’

Listening to his friend’s love story, Junhyung felt slightly sour , but he couldn’t behave like this, he had to be happy for his friend. He grudgingly said ,’Congratulations man. When am I going to meet this special person?’ And that special person walked into the bar on cue.

‘Yoseob! Over here!’

Junhyung fought hard to maintain his expression even though he was dying to yell loudly in frustration.

He has finally showed up again…but in this kind of situation? As my good friend’s lover…….

*******

‘Hi, I’m Yang Yoseob. It’s nice to meet you.’

The man Junhyung loved stood before him, hand outstretched ready to shake his like a stranger meeting him for the first time.

‘Hello, I’m Junhyung.’ Junhyung gave Yoseob a long hard look but Yoseob’s expression remained neutral.

Yang Yoseob why are you torturing me?

Yoseob cleverly averted his gaze and began chatting to Doojoon instead. Junhyung watched them whisper in each other’s ear silently, trying to hide how wretched he was feeling . He fought the strong urge to grab Yoseob’s arm and drag him away.

Doojoon noticed Junhyung’s odd expression and said sheepishly to Yoseob, ‘ I’m sorry. Junhyung got some bad news this month and he’s not himself today.’

‘Oh really? I’m so sorry. I read an article in a magazine today. Your first love is getting married right? It’s alright, don’t feel sorry for yourself. There are so many nice girls out there, I’m sure Doojoon can set you up with one,’ Yoseob smiled, pretending like nothing had happened. The smile did not reach his eyes but only Junhyung saw it and said nothing.

‘No no, that’s not right, Hara isn’t his first love, his first love is someone else from his high school,’. Doojoon’s phone rang suddenly. ‘I’m sorry, I need to take this call, why don’t you guys get to know each other,’ he said happily and walked out of the bar, leaving the both of them alone together.

The moment Doojoon walked out the door, Yoseob’s smile faded. He stared blankly at the bartop, looking anywhere but Junhyung’s face. The tense atmosphere could be clearly felt. Suddenly, a warm hand covered his. Yoseob didn’t resist but greeted Junhyung with a glare instead.

‘What do you want?’

‘Are you doing this on purpose?’

Yoseob blanched, confirming Junhyung’s suspicions. He continued, ‘ What do you hope to gain by doing this? Do you really think that you’ll feel better by pretending that you don’t know me?’

‘Oh wow, as if you ever cared about how I feel,’ Yoseob scoffed, trying to snatch his hand away from Junhyung’s but that only made the older boy grip him tighter.

‘You obviously know that I care.’

‘The person that you care about isn’t me, it never was.’ Yoseob retorted. If Junhyung had really cared about him, he would have found him wherever he was. Yoseob had waited for five long years but Junhyung had never showed up. If you really wanted to find somebody, nothing was impossible.

Junhyung ‘s grip on the younger man’s hand never loosened until Doojoon walked back into the bar.

‘I’m really sorry. My boss called. There’s an emergency and I need to go back to the office,’ said Doojoon apologetically.

‘It’s alright. Go now. I can get back to the hotel myself,’ Yoseob said, giving Doojoon a warm smile. The way Yoseob was looking at Doojoon, that gentle face, he had never shown this kind of expression to Junhyung before. As far as Junhyung could remember, Yoseob had always been spoiled by him. The younger man loved to show aegyo and lost his temper very easily. Under the mischievous demeanour, he was actually really kind-hearted once you got to know him but he had never shown himself to be the gentle type on the surface. How much had Yoseob changed in these five years or was it all a clever act? Junhyung really didn’t know the answer.

Did I ever really know you at all?


	11. Chapter 11

‘It’s already so late. I don’t think you should head back by yourself, you might get mugged. Junhyung, if you don’t mind, could you accompany Yoseob back?’ Doojoon requested.

Junhyung’s heart lurched and he met Yoseob’s eyes quickly but the younger man had on a poker face.

‘Okay.’ Junhyung answered. Surely Yoseob wouldn’t just agree to this so easily. He was waiting for Yoseob to say something, to refuse him, to protest loudly but the younger man merely gave a small smile and said.’ Thank you. Sorry for the inconvenience.’

When they were about to leave, it was one of the most difficult moments of Junhyung’s life having to watch Doojoon give Yoseob a goodbye kiss. It was only a peck on the cheek but he would be lying if he said that he wasn’t affected when Doojoon’s lips met the younger man’s soft cheek. He clenched his fists and looked away hoping that no one noticed his unhappy expression.

They ended up going back to the hotel in a taxi as it was too far to walk. The ride back was silent, the tension in the air crackling. They didn’t say a word to each other, the only words spoken being Yoseob telling the taxi driver the hotel’s address. Peering at them in the rearview mirror, the old taxi driver noticed how these two young men just stared out of the window in silence the entire ride back . He guessed that these two couldn’t be just friends, they had to be a young couple who were fighting with each other. When they arrived at the hotel, Yoseob stepped out of the taxi swiftly without even saying goodbye. Junhyung blinked. He wasn’t sure whether to follow him or not and was shocked when the taxi driver suddenly turned around in his seat and said quietly, ‘Talk to him, he needs to be coaxed. What are you waiting for, young man? Go on, go after him!’

Hearing this, Junhyung didn’t waste any more time. He quickly paid the taxi driver and gave chase, following Yoseob all the way up to his room.

Honestly, Yoseob didn’t know what to do himself. He was hurrying because he had to get back to his son. He was late and he wasn’t sure whether he trusted the teenage babysitter to stay till he returned. One half of his brain was telling him to turn around and yell at Junhyung to go away but the other half was glad that the older man was following him and he didn’t know why. He had no idea what the person following him was thinking.

Why isn’t Junhyung saying anything? He’s just following me. What should I do? Should I invite him in for a cup of coffee as thanks? He doesn’t even like coffee and there’s no cola here.

He felt so confused. With these thoughts running through his mind, Yoseob carefully slotted his room card in the electronic lock. The door slid open and the next thing he knew, a pair of strong arms wrapped round his waist, pulling him into the room forcefully. Yoseob felt a sense of déjà vu.

‘You…..mmmmm….’ Once again, he found himself being dragged into the wolf’s lair.

Before he could even cry out, heart shaped lips crashed furiously onto his own. Yoseob tasted whisky as his mouth was invaded by a warm tongue. The familiar feel of those lips were intoxicating . He had been wanting this kiss for so long, he couldn’t even remember how to struggle. His mouth opened of its own accord, allowing Junhyung access, the older man’s tongue battling with his own, both of them fighting for dominance. It wasn’t long before Yoseob submitted, his legs turning to jelly as he drowned in the feeling of Junhyung’s kiss, letting the older man taste him thoroughly. Junhyung had always been an amazing kisser.

Large hands slid into his shirt, fingers dragging lightly over his soft skin, brushing occasionally against a nipple, sending a current of electricity through the younger man’s body. He knew he shouldn’t be feeling like this but he was feeling so hot—so hot. His desire burned as Junhyung’s touch became rougher. He felt his shirt being ripped off.

‘Yoseob….Yoseob…’ Junhyung moaned. Yoseob felt himself being carried and placed on the small sofa in the hotel room. A lean hard body pinned him down onto the sofa, his name being whispered repeatedly in his ear, tickling the sensitive skin there. He shivered , wrapping his arms around Junhyung, feeling lightheaded from the pleasure.

His jeans and underwear were yanked off, his erection springing free. A hand slid down his bare thighs, making his breath hitch at the cool contact with his burning skin. Yoseob whimpered loudly when he felt a wet tongue flick teasingly at the tip of his straining erection. Junhyung grinned wickedly to himself, his baby was always so sensitive. The older man wrapped his lips around Yoseob’s erection, making the younger throw his head back and let out an unrestrained moan.

‘Uh…uh…please stop…no,’ Yoseob was losing control. The pleasure was too great and he couldn’t keep the moans in anymore. But his mind was still clear enough, a little voice screaming at him to stop. He couldn’t do this. Not again, not like this, he had dignity, why was he the only one naked while Junhyung was still dressed, he couldn’t let Junhyung take advantage of him so easily, what about Doojoon….

Suddenly, a tiny cry came from the bedroom. ( I forgot to mention that Yoseob is staying in a suite). ‘Daddy?’ The voice dragged both Junhyung and Yoseob back to reality.

‘Ilhoon? Daddy’s here!’ Yoseob pushed Junhyung off him with a sudden burst of strength. Junhyung fell off the sofa with a thud and lay on the carpet staring up at the ceiling, breathing hard.

Yoseob sat up and glared at Junhyung, gesturing wildly at him to remain quiet. He pulled on his clothes haphazardly and staggered into the bedroom. Baby Ilhoon was sitting up on the bed, teary eyed. The little boy must have had a nightmare. Yoseob felt a rush of relief and anger that the babysitter had left on the dot. Relieved that no one had been here to witness the embarrassing situation with Junhyung and anger because how could the babysitter have left a small child alone in the room by himself. He quickly scooped the boy into his arms, burying his face into Ilhoon’s fluffy hair and said softly, ‘ Daddy’s here, go back to sleep.’ The child’s eyes soon closed as Yoseob rocked him gently.

After tucking Ilhoon back into bed, Yoseob emerged from the bedroom and was surprised to see Junhyung still there. Now that he was clear-headed, he felt slightly angry. Who did Yong Junhyung think he was? He turned to the older man and said coldly,’ You should go.’

‘I…’ Junhyung stood there awkwardly. He didn’t know whether he should apologise. Yoseob’s demeanour was so chilly right now.

‘If there’s anything that you need to say to me, say it next time. It’s late, my son needs to sleep.’ Yoseob said shortly, walking towards the door and opening it. His meaning couldn’t be any clearer.

Yes, Yoseob had ordered Junhyung to leave but it wasn’t along the lines of ‘I never want to see you again.’ Junhyung felt consoled by that. He walked out of the room, waved at the other man and made his way slowly to the lift. He could still taste the sweetness of Yoseob’s mouth on his tongue. He knew now, the passionate way that Yoseob responded to his kiss proved that the younger man hadn’t forgotten about him. He still cared, he really cared. He had mentioned a next time, that did mean that he wanted to see Junhyung again wasn’t it? Junhyung didn’t care, he was going to interpret the other man’s words in this way. Whatever happened, he wasn’t going to let Yoseob leave again, not this time. If Yoseob tried to leave, he would do everything within his means to make the other man stay.

 

Please give me one more chance, one more chance to make it right, one more chance for me to make you happy again…..

******

Yoseob….Yang Yoseob….

The man he loved was lying under him. The white bed sheets had been kicked into disarray, yet he didn’t slow down his pace, his movements even faster now.

Yoseob was biting his lip, his face burning red with little droplets of sweat rolling down his face.

‘Yoseob, I love you….I love you,’ Junhyung never ever said soppy things like that. He felt Yoseob’s body stiffen below him. And suddenly a warm smile bloomed on the younger man’s face.

‘I love you too Doojoon hyung,’

DOOJOON HYUNG??? Junhyung caught sight of his reflection in the mirror behind them. The person on top of Yoseob wasn’t him, it was Doojoon?

Junhyung cried out in surprise, sitting bolt upright in bed.

He moved his hands over the space beside him, there was no one. There was no Yoseob, there was definitely no Doojoon. Oh, it was just a horrible nightmare.

*****

Junhyung was in a bad mood the whole day. It was all because of that dream.

He had only just found Yoseob again and now there was a new problem in the form of Yoon Doojoon. It seemed that Yoseob was now Doojoon’s boyfriend. Besides having to win the younger man’s heart back, he now had a rival in love and it was a good friend too. This made it even more difficult for him because he really didn’t want to fight with Doojoon, to hurt Doojoon.

Yang Yoseob, you are so cruel…

It was already evening when Junhyung got the call from Doojoon. ‘Let’s meet, I have something to tell you,’ had been his words. Junhyung felt uneasiness the whole journey there to Doojoon’s house. Could Yoseob have told Doojoon about them? Would Doojoon blame him for withholding the truth?

Junhyung breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. ‘Don’t be silly, it’s okay. If Doojoon knows, then we can have a public rivalry, there will be no more secrets from one another,’ he thought. He was debating on whether to tell Doojoon about Yoseob if he didn’t already know, to tell Doojoon that the person that he had been looking for all this while was actually Yoseob. But if he did that, he might lose his best friend----and there was no guarantee that Yoseob would want him back either.

He sighed to himself. Since when had life been so complicated for him, oh since the day he met Yang Yoseob. The main thing now was to get the younger man to accept him into his life again.

Junhyung shifted uneasily from foot to foot outside Doojoon’s house. He didn’t know how to face his friend at that point. He pressed the doorbell gingerly. Maybe it was because he was thinking too deeply of Yoseob, he knew it was the other boy even before the door swung open. Yoseob was standing in front of him once again.

Junhyung closed his eyes and opened them again. No he wasn’t dreaming. The small figure wrapped in a fluffy white bathrobe standing before him was indeed the person who had occupied his thoughts these five years. He gaped ,not knowing what to say. Yoseob--- was wearing a bathrobe—was standing here in front of him—but that wasn’t the point. The point was that he was dressed like that in another man’s house.

Yang Yoseob, what did you do?

‘Who is it?’ Doojoon’s voice could be heard as he made his way to the door. Junhyung was debating as to whether to go into the house and before he could make a decision, Doojoon had already come out.

Junhyung was trying hard not to think of unpleasant thoughts, thoughts of what might have taken place in this house a few hours earlier before he came. But he couldn’t block out those thoughts no matter how hard he tried when he stepped into the house and saw Yoseob picking up his clothes that were strewn messily over the couch.

He was such a idiot to feel this way. He should have known really. Yoseob had left him for so many years, of course the younger man was no longer his. Yoseob had his own kid now, a new lover, it really wasn’t surprising for an young adult male like him to be engaging in sexual activities with his lover.

But what about the incident that had taken place in Yoseob’s suite? Had the younger man just been drinking too much? It must have been the alcohol affecting him, making him willing to sleep with anyone who wanted him.

Junhyung shook his head hard, he had to stop thinking like this. He sat and chatted with Doojoon for a while. Yoseob ordered takeout for dinner and the three of them sat and ate together, Junhyung looking away whenever Doojoon put something on Yoseob’s plate.

It seemed that Doojoon had only called him over to talk about work. They only discussed the new album that the older man was working on. Doojoon grinned suddenly,’ Hey Junhyung, if you need anyone to sing your guides next time, you can ask Yoseob, he’s just as good as any professional.’ Junhyung nodded with a smile. He couldn’t hide his relief, thank goodness Doojoon only wanted to talk about work and nothing else.

*****

It was time to go. Yoseob needed to get back to his son. Junhyung grabbed the chance and offered to drive him home. The younger man gave him a hard look but accepted the offer. Yoseob headed straight to the back seat but his arm was suddenly in Junhyung’s strong grip, a voice whispered in his ear,’ I need to talk to you,’ and the next thing he knew he was pushed roughly onto the passenger seat of Junhyung’s car.

Yoseob stared quietly at his hands, wishing he was somewhere else. Junhyung was just driving in silence and not even looking at him.

‘What did you do today?’

Yoseob blinked and looked up.

‘I asked you what you did today.’ Junhyung’s voice was firm but the younger man detected the slight quiver in his voice that only happened when he was nervous.

A long silence passed until Yoseob decided he had to say something. ‘ Nothing much, just the things that I normally do,’ he said awkwardly.

‘Such as?’

The things that you normally do, does that mean the things that you normally do in another man’s house…

Junhyung reached the end of the highway and turned into a small and deserted road, quickly pulling his car over to the side of the road. He switched off the car lights and grabbed Yoseob’s shoulders, pulling him into a long kiss. The younger man did not return the kiss, but he didn’t struggle either and that only made Junhyung more confused. Yoseob waited patiently for him to pull away, body stiff.

‘Satisfied? That I don’t have the smell of another man’s body on me?’ Yoseob said drily.

‘Yang Yoseob, just stop. Please, just stop. I know you’re doing this on purpose,’ Junhyung finally said. ‘Wearing that bathrobe on purpose when you knew I was coming to Doojoon’s house, answering the door when you’re not fully clothed, god Yoseob, stop it already,’ he exclaimed, trying not to yell out in frustration.

Yoseob clicked his tongue in amusement. ‘Chill. I have better things to do. Besides, I’m not capable of doing that.’ Junhyung’s jealous face was actually kind of adorable. A smile unconsciously formed on his own face.

‘I know you’re capable of anything, don’t try to hide it. You weren’t like that last time.’ Yoseob had always been shy when it came to things like that, normally unwilling to let Junhyung touch him and when he did, the younger boy’s face and ears would turn bright red with embarrassment. Such a big difference compared to this brave man who dared to answer the door dressed in a bathrobe.

‘Oh, was I different from last time? I forgot about it long ago,’ The only thing he remembered now was the hurt from being abandoned.

‘Did you let Doojoon touch you?’

‘What do you think?’ Yoseob grinned mischievously.

‘Don’t make me guess.’

‘If you really trusted me, you don’t even have to guess.’

‘If I really thought that you would let him touch you, I wouldn’t ask you now,’ said Junhyung quietly. ‘Please Yoseob, I need to hear you say it.’

Yoseob pondered for a moment. Sighing, he finally said,’ It was raining and I forgot to bring an umbrella. I took a shower at his house but my clothes were all wet. That’s why I wore the bathrobe. Doojoon and I, we haven’t gotten to that yet. The furthest we’ve ever gone is making out. Are you happy now?’

‘Starting from now, you’re not allowed to even hug him.’ Junhyung felt relief wash over him. ‘I’ll fetch you everywhere, wherever you want to go, just please don’t go to his house so often.’

Yoseob’s eyes widened. ‘Are you kidding me? Hey, did the shock from seeing me in a bathrobe fry your brain? I’m in a relationship with him, have you forgotten?’

‘No I didn’t forget. It’s just that I’ve prepared all my weapons. I’m all ready to fight for you again Yang Yoseob. I want you back,’ His warm lips met Yoseob’s soft ones. This time, Yoseob did not even resist and let himself drown in this long kiss, the kiss that he had been secretly craving for all this while.


	12. Chapter 12

Junhyung had no self control anymore these days. It was just a kiss and he was already so hard. He had nearly ravished Yoseob in the backseat of his car last night, throwing all caution to the wind. But at the crucial moment, Yoseob had spoiled the mood by asking him whether he had any condoms. He could only shake his head incredulously at that point, what did Yoseob take him for? He wasn’t the kind of person who slept around with other people frequently to be carrying condoms about his person all the time.Yoseob merely chuckled at his incredulous expression. ‘Yah Junhyung, what’s with that face? Just remember to bring some next time.’

‘This is just a repeat of that night in his room, getting a cold shower when I’ve never felt like this for so long. It’s a wonder that I don’t get sick from all this, Yang Yoseob you’re really something aren’t you’, thought Junhyung to himself.

He had known Yoseob for so long---he knew the other man’s personality very well. If Yoseob had decided he didn’t want to do something, nothing in this world could make him do it. Junhyung had to make do by kissing him roughly once again before sending him safely back to the hotel.

It was the first night in a long while where Junhyung slept peacefully without a care in the world.

***** 

The next morning, Junhyung rushed to the hotel right after he woke up. His knock was answered by a sleepy eyed Yoseob who appeared to have just woken up. Seeing him answer the door still in his pyjamas, with the clothes hanging loosely on his small frame and that adorable puffy eyed face, Junhyung felt a rush of love for the young man in front of him. How could he have left him alone for all these years?

Yoseob glared sleepily at him, his crinkled eyes making him even more adorable. ‘Why are you so early?’ he asked grumpily. Yet he stepped aside to let Junhyung in all the same before heading to the counter to pour himself a glass of water.

‘I was scared that someone might take you away first if I’m late’, grinned Junhyung. He had brought breakfast with him, some sticky buns, egg tarts and banana milk. He knew that little kids like Ilhoon liked buns so he had stopped over at the well-known bakery down the street before coming here. Ilhoon was already up. He was sitting on the couch, short little legs dangling in midair, while eyeing the buns on the table hungrily. He smiled shyly at the nice uncle who had brought him delicious food.

Yoseob turned to his son,’ Ilhoon-ah,go wash your hands and you can eat.’

And the little boy ran quickly to the bathroom as fast as his legs could take him.

Junhyung stared wistfully at the child. ‘How old is he?’

Yoseob thought for a moment and answered,’ He’s four.’

By that time, baby Ilhoon was already seated at the table, a sticky bun in hand. Yoseob headed to the bathroom to take a shower, leaving Junhyung alone at the table with the child.

Four years old. This meant that Yoseob had had a child with someone else shortly after Junhyung left.

‘Where’s your mother?’ Junhyung asked awkwardly.

Ilhoon shook his head cutely. ‘I don’t have a mother.’ He continued taking small bites of his sticky bun, staring with wide eyes at the uncle in front of him. This uncle was very friendly, a nice man who had brought him back to his daddy when he was lost, a nice man who brought him a delicious breakfast. Ilhoon decided that he liked this nice uncle---a lot.

So this could only mean that Yoseob had given birth to the child himself. Junhyung stared at the little boy’s face intently, taking in his features. The child did resemble himself so much. He supposed that Yoseob must have missed him after he left, leading him to have a child with someone who resembled himself. That person must have abandoned the both of them as well as he seemed to be absent in Yoseob’s life.

Junhyung felt heartsick suddenly, thinking about Yoseob’s life after he left. How difficult it must have been for him to bring up a child all alone. He must have suffered a lot with no one to care for him. The older man’s heart was full of regret for what he had done to Yoseob. If only he hadn’t been so stubborn, if only he had tried to make things right, if only he had treated Yoseob better, they would still be together and maybe they would have had an adorable child like Ilhoon by now.

Ilhoon soon finished his sticky bun and moved in on the egg tarts. Tiny fingers picked up a fork on the table and tried to spear a tart with it. Worried that the child might hurt himself in the process, Junhyung quickly grabbed the fork from him and helped him to spear it.

‘Hey, you’re only four years old. You’re still so young, you shouldn’t be handling forks and knives by yourself.’

Ilhoon munched on his egg tart furiously, his chubby cheeks moving as he chewed. He looked at Junhyung indignantly and opened his mouth to take a second bite of the tart. ‘I’m five!’ He pouted.

Junhyung was watching him eat, his thoughts drifting elsewhere when that sudden outburst brought him back to his senses.

Ilhoon was five years old….

Ilhoon wasn’t four years old after all, he was five.

It had been five years since he let Yoseob walk out of his life.

He always found it funny how Ilhoon resembled himself so much. He assumed that Yoseob must have missed him enough to have a child with someone who looked just like him. Junhyung had told himself that so many times but no, that was wrong. Ilhoon had to be his child, he was quite sure of it.

Junhyung tried to recall the memories from five years ago. So many things had happened then. Yoseob’s poor health at that time, his frequent visits to the hospital, how his attitude towards Junhyung had changed, his sudden disappearance. He almost kicked himself for not reading the signs. How could he have abandoned Yoseob then when the poor boy was pregnant with his own flesh and blood…Yoseob what you must have felt, how much sadness and suffering did you go through all alone to give birth to this child. Junhyung didn’t know what to feel anymore. Yoseob was here now with their son and he didn’t know what to do.

Junhyung was still sitting there stunned when Yoseob emerged from the bathroom. The younger man brushed past him hurriedly, stuffing things into a backpack. He grabbed a bun, took a bite and said shortly, ‘I’m going out with Ilhoon today, are you going to sit here and stare into space the whole day?’

‘What? Where are you going?’ Junhyung quickly got to his feet.

‘I have to find a place to stay, I can’t possibly stay here permanently can I?’ Yoseob rolled his eyes. He was a single father who had just returned to Korea after so long, he was jobless, obviously he didn’t have enough money to fund their stay here in the hotel permanently. He needed to find a flat, a job and a proper school for Ilhoon. So many things needed to be done, he had no time whatsoever to spend the day here ‘chilling’ with Yong Junhyung.

‘Er, wait, I’ll fetch you to wherever you want to go. I don’t think it’s easy to get a taxi at this hour,’ Junhyung stammered. It was a lie, it would have been easy for Yoseob to call the front desk and order a taxi if he wanted to. Junhyung was glad that he had offered himself as a driver when the younger man merely nodded and followed him outside. Ilhoon had already ran ahead happily to admire his beloved uncle’s shiny new car.

******

It had been a long day. Yoseob had been house hunting the whole day and he was tired. Junhyung had stayed true to his word and fetched him from house to house the whole day. So far there hadn’t been a suitable place and he was feeling disillusioned. Ilhoon was already fast asleep in the back seat. They were heading back to the hotel when a sudden thought struck Junhyung.

‘Remember that spare house my parents had? They signed ownership to me recently, do you want to look at the place? It might be suitable for you.’

Yoseob was feeling really exhausted. He didn’t have the energy to refuse the offer anymore. He grunted in agreement and soon fell asleep in the passenger seat, only waking up when they arrived at the house. Carrying the sleeping Ilhoon in his arms, he walked in, memories flooding back to him. This house, he knew this house, it was so familiar now.

It had been raining heavily that day many years ago. He had only agreed to follow Junhyung back here to take shelter because he didn’t want to get soaked while walking back home. They arrived at the front door but instead of opening the door, Junhyung had pressed him against the door, warm lips closing over his own, preventing any protests from slipping out. He remembered relaxing into the kiss, letting the joy from being loved wash over him. Whether Junhyung knew of it or not, that was a memory that he treasured to this date.

Yoseob stared at the familiar surroundings. The sofa, the chairs and tables, they were all covered in plastic sheets. It was obvious that no one had lived in this house for a long time. The furniture, it was still the same though.

Junhyung coughed. ‘Do you like it?’

‘No I don’t. I hate houses with white walls.’

‘What kind of walls do you like then?’

‘Blue walls. Baby blue like the sky.’

‘You’re still as childish as before.’ Junhyung smiled fondly.

‘Who are you calling childish? Oh besides that, I really hate this old bookshelf, it looks like an antique and I really hate antique furniture. I like white bookshelves filled with books all the way to the top.’

‘Can you reach the books if they’re so high up?’ Junhyung teased.

‘Yong Junhyung! If I can’t reach them then you’ll just have to get them for me!’

Yoseob closed his mouth abruptly. What was he thinking, what was he saying. He had no intention of staying in this house and letting Junhyung reach any books for him.

Junhyung smiled to himself and removed the plastic sheet from the sofa. Yoseob placed the peacefully sleeping Ilhoon on it, the little boy rolling around contentedly.

‘My parents live abroad now and I’m living in a flat near the recording studio. No one stays here anymore but someone comes in every week to clean the house. If you don’t mind it, you can stay here for free. Be my housesitter.’

Yoseob didn’t speak---he couldn’t. A lump rose in his throat. As Junhyung was speaking, he had walked over to the window and observed the curtains closely. Something that hadn’t been there before. There it was now, sewed onto one corner of the white curtains, a piece of cloth containing a line of words he had embroidered with Junhyung when they were still madly in love. ‘Yang Yoseob loves Yong Junhyung’. He couldn’t remember what had happened to it after they had finished with it.

Yoseob cleared his throat,’ What’s that?’

Junhyung stared at him sheepishly,’ I….I’m sorry..I kept it…and sewed it there. I guess I just needed something to remind myself of you….’

Yong Junhyung, what do you mean by this? What are you trying to prove, that you missed me all these years?

That very night, Yoseob moved into the house with Ilhoon. Junhyung bought dinner and they ate quietly together at the dining table.

Ilhoon seemed to sense that something was up for he was such a good boy that night. He went straight to bed after dinner without even making a fuss.

After tucking Ilhoon into bed, Yoseob went back to the dining room to clear the plates. He had just picked up the first plate when large arms snaked round his waist and took him into a warm embrace.

Yoseob knew he should have resisted, he should have said no. But Junhyung’s flame still burned in his heart----it had never stopped burning and seeing that piece of embroidered cloth only made it burn brighter. He couldn’t bring himself to shake the older man off. One of Junhyung’s arms was wrapped snugly round his waist, another hand was slowly unbuttoning his shirt. Junhyung planted light feathery kisses all over his neck and collarbone, turning him on even more. Yoseob turned around and kissed him firmly on the lips, tongues battling for dominance. The younger man soon lost that fight, and in the next second he was being carried to the sofa and Junhyung’s warm body was pressing onto him, kissing him fiercely.

Junhyung’s breath was coming in short gasps, his hands moving as they pleased all over Yoseob’s pale skin. His hand travelled down the younger man’s chest and stomach, reached into his jeans and found its target. A surge of desire coursed through Yoseob’s veins, leaving him breathless. His skin burned from Junhyung’s touch, he didn’t know anything else besides the fact that Junhyung loved him , wanted him now and yes he wanted the other man too. So badly.

I’ll forget everything tonight, just this once, let me lose myself in you again……

 

That night, the two of them found each other again once more, neither of them willing to let the other go till morning.


	13. Chapter 13

Ilhoon woke up bright and early in the morning. His daddy was sleeping soundly next to him with a contented smile on his face. The child was just about to continue sleeping when he heard a noise outside his room. He crept outside silently and discovered that there was someone in the bathroom.

Ilhoon stood quietly outside the bathroom door, head cocked to one side in thought.Why was someone taking a bath in his new home so early in the morning? The bathroom door opened and Junhyung stepped out attempting to dry his wet hair with a towel. He was slightly shocked to find himself face to face to Ilhoon.

Junhyung smiled at the child. God, he was so adorable, those big eyes in that tiny face just like Yoseob. He squatted on the floor and threw his arms wide open for a hug . Ilhoon ran willingly into the nice uncle’s inviting arms. Oooohhh, this uncle had wide shoulders with lean arms. He really liked this uncle ----he felt safe in his arms.

Junhyung lifted the child up and asked, ‘Ilhoon-ah, do you like me? Do you like Uncle Junnie?’

Ilhoon blinked innocently. He didn’t know what to say.

‘Do you like Uncle Junnie the same way you like your Daddy?’

Ilhoon pondered over the question for a while. Normally he wouldn’t let anyone besides his daddy carry him but today he had ran willingly into the nice uncle’s arms without a second thought. That must mean Uncle Junnie was nice like Daddy, wasn’t it? He nodded his head slowly.

‘What about Uncle Doojoon? Do you like him?’

Ilhoon shook his head.

Junhyung felt really contented with that answer. Yes, he shouldn’t feel this way but it was nice to know that Ilhoon had warmed to him before Doojoon.

He asked Ilhoon some questions, like what do you like to eat, what does your daddy like to do normally, all the basic questions to get to know them better. And then, the questions that he had been dying to ask all this while.

‘Do you sleep with your daddy normally?’

Ilhoon nodded vigorously.

Junhyung pretended to disbelieve him. ‘Are you sure? I don’t think so.’

‘Yes, I do!!’

‘Every night?’

‘Yes!’

‘Have you spent the night at Uncle Doojoon’s house before?’

Ilhoon shook his head.

‘What about Uncle Doojoon? Has he slept at your house before?’

Ilhoon continued to shake his head.

‘Think carefully. Are you sure about that?’

Ilhoon thought for a moment, tiny face serious. He shook his head again decidedly.

‘What about any other uncles? Have there been any other uncles sleeping over?’

Ilhoon scrunched up his nose indignantly. ‘Why do you keep asking the same thing? Uncle Junnie is the only one who comes to my house, no one else has ever come before.’

Satisfied, Junhyung chuckled to himself , got dressed and began preparing breakfast for his son.

*******

Ever since Yoseob moved into Junhyung’s house, his life became busy again. He settled in comfortably with Ilhoon, cooked and cleaned, doing everything necessary to give his son a normal life. Junhyung kept his distance, only coming in once in a while to check on things. They never mentioned the night they spent together ever again. Junhyung knew better, he was going to take things slow, he wasn’t going to scare Yoseob off.

By that time, Yoseob had already told Doojoon about moving into Junhyung’s house. Doojoon had been happy for him, glad that at least Yoseob was safe in the house of someone he trusted. They carried on their relationship as normal, but Yoseob still felt a pang of guilt whenever he thought of that fateful night. It was something that he couldn’t ever bring himself to tell Doojoon.

Doojoon soon got Yoseob a job singing sample tracks for a music producer at the production company-----and that music producer was none other than Yong Junhyung. Yoseob didn’t really mind working for Junhyung, the pay was good and the job wasn’t that tiring. Besides that, Junhyung had willingly offered to fetch Ilhoon to and fro from his kindergarten everyday as the company was close by.

Junhyung’s production room wasn’t a big affair but it was quite complete. There was a recording studio, a mixing room, and so on, all equipped with the best technology. There was even a small room for resting when anyone felt tired. Junhyung’s colleagues were all a friendly accommodating bunch, so Yoseob had no problems adjusting to this new job.

One of the music technician’s wives had just given birth during Yoseob’s addition to the staff.Her pregnancy had not been an easy one and so lots of well-wishers dropped by after the birth with healthy meals for her to rebuild her strength. The food prepared was all rich and full of nutrition but for some reason, they were not to her appetite at all. Thus, the music technician always ended up coming to the company with lots of food to share with his colleagues.

Yoseob loved food very much so this was quite a windfall for him. While eating, he would say jokingly that he hadn’t even had so much to eat after his own pregnancy and he was embarrassed to be replenishing his nutrition only now at another new mother’s expense.

His words had not meant anything but Junhyung heard it and was extremely regretful. The very next day, the meals brought in by the music technician were even richer than before and this continued for more than a month until Yoseob began to feel bad for eating it. He finally asked whether the technician’s wife was pregnant again but the only answer he would ever get was a knowing smile.

*****

Doojoon would drop in quite frequently to see Junhyung during working hours. His wide smile in the office used to be a happy sight for Junhyung because producing was a lonely job and it was nice to have someone around to talk to. Nowadays he couldn’t help but feel it was a thorn in his side. Now that Yoseob was working with him, Doojoon’s visits to the studio were mostly to see how Yoseob was doing and he didn’t like it at all. From the moment he arrived, he would stick by Yoseob’s side till he left and this made Junhyung so jealous yet he couldn’t say it.

It didn’t matter that Yoseob was sitting on the same couch as Junhyung. It didn’t matter because those beautiful eyes of his had no one in them except Doojoon during those visits. He would only talk and stare adoringly at Doojoon the whole time, leaving Junhyung to stare listlessly in the walls in silence with jaw clenched.

Doojoon said something funny, making Yoseob laugh loudly. He was laughing so hard that the whole couch was shaking. Junhyung broke out of his stupor and secretly lifted a hand to squeeze the younger man’s waist tightly. He felt Yoseob go stiff next to him, laughter dying away suddenly. Junhyung felt a wicked sense of satisfaction from that. That’ll teach him to laugh so loudly…

When Doojoon was about to leave, Yoseob walked with him all the way to the elevator door, Junhyung following unobtrusively behind him. He didn’t understand, did love make you paranoid, because he was actually scared that Doojoon would somehow say something in his absence that would make Yoseob leave. When they finally reached the elevator door, Junhyung was all smiles but in his mind he was screaming for Doojoon to LEAVE RIGHT NOW!!

Doojoon shook Junhyung’s hand, expression thankful .’Junhyung, I haven’t had the chance to thank you for hiring Yoseob, and letting him stay in your house too. I should be doing all these things for him but I’ve been so busy with the new song lately. Bro, you’ve been such a great help,’

Junhyung forced a smile on his face,’ It’s nothing. It’s the least I could do for a friend,’ He raged silently in his mind ‘Yoseob doesn’t need anyone looking after him besides me’

He was still thinking about this when Doojoon chuckled and said, ‘Hey bro, at a time like this, shouldn’t you be turning away? Close your eyes at least?’

Junhyung hadn’t even comprehended what that meant and the next thing he knew, Yoseob was in Doojoon’s embrace and the older man was kissing Yoseob---kissing his Yoseob on the lips…

Before he could even say anything, the long and torturous goodbye kiss was already over, elevator door closing behind Doojoon.

Junhyung whipped around, eyes meeting Yoseob’s. The younger man was breathing hard, cheeks and lips pink but his large eyes stared back at him, defiant. Junhyung wanted to throw something. He knew he shouldn’t be angry. Yoseob was in a relationship with Doojoon, it was perfectly normal for them to share a goodbye kiss. It was perfectly normal for two people in a relationship to hold hands, kiss, sleep together, it was perfectly normal. The abnormal one was Junhyung himself, he knew that Doojoon and Yoseob were a couple, he knew it yet he was always trying to stand between the two of them. He knew he was abnormal so why was he feeling so angry? Yang Yoseob belonged to someone else now but there he was, longing to punch Doojoon in the face for kissing him.

Yang Yoseob, you’re supposed to be mine, what are you doing with somebody else?

‘Bang!’ The door of the resting room slammed. The two of them were alone once more in that small space, made even smaller by the fact that the person who had slammed the door had just locked it.

Yoseob leaned against the wall, arms folded. Junhyung’s face looked scary. The younger man had felt it, felt the tension and jealousy emitting off the older man in waves the moment that Doojoon walked in. That goodbye kiss, Yoseob could have avoided it but feeling Junhyung’s gaze on him the entire time, he had let it happen.

‘Are you angry?’

Junhyung didn’t answer. He just stared stonily ahead. Yes he was angry and Yoseob’s biting sarcasm was not going down well with him right now.

Yoseob really didn’t know the meaning of fear. He continued staring defiantly at Junhyung and said,’ Are you going to hit me Junhyung? You might be taller than me but that doesn’t mean I’m going to lose this fight.’ Junhyung had always been bad-tempered.

He was preparing himself for a fist to come into contact with his face when suddenly Junhyung lunged forward, gripped his chin tightly and devoured him in a hungry kiss that left him lost for words.

They kissed again and again, tongues battling, only releasing the other to catch their breath and kissing again. Junhyung broke apart first, licking his lips, his head spinning.

Yoseob stood there dumbly, bringing a hand up to touch his own lips. He recalled the incidents of five years ago, those times when he was so helplessly jealous. Should he have kissed Junhyung like this at that time to win back his heart? He felt angry suddenly, angry that Junhyung was taking advantage of him again. He moved forward, intending to punch Junhyung to teach him a lesson but it ended with strong arms grabbing his waist and wrapping him in a vise-like hug.

‘Let go of me! Let go…’ Yoseob yelled, struggling wildly in the older man’s embrace. Junhyung’s grip on him never wavered, hot breath ghosting over the shell of his ear. The older man lifted him up easily and placed him gently on the couch. Junhyung’s hands travelled over his body, removing each article of his clothing carefully. The layers of clothing fell away, revealing his pale skin once again to Junhyung’s hot gaze. Yoseob couldn’t stand this feeling, this feeling of being exposed. His skin burned under Junhyung’s stare, breath coming in short gasps. He didn’t understand this at all…why wasn’t he even trying to resist?

‘Stop…looking..at me,’ Yoseob gasped finally, turning away in embarassment. Junhyung lifted his head to meet his gaze again, eyes full of lust.

‘How to stop…when I want you…’ His lips met Yoseob’s, stopping any further protests.

Yoseob let out a low moan. Junhyung’s tongue was forcing his mouth open, invading his lips, so close that he didn’t even have time to breathe.

This kiss was the breaking point, sucking away all his strength, leaving him powerless to resist Junhyung anymore. Their clothes were long gone by now, their bodies tangled on the couch. Junhyung was kissing Yoseob’s tiny face, sucking on his earlobes. He moved on to the younger man’s neck, nipping playfully at the skin there and was satisfied to see him shiver lightly. A slow languid lick on his nipples and Yoseob released a loud unrestrained moan.

Yoseob bit down hard on his lips, embarrassed to hear a sound like that coming out from his own mouth. The elder merely grinned wickedly, leaning close to whisper in his ear, ‘Don’t worry, I think you’ve forgotten that this room is sound proof,’ He continued kissing down the younger’s neck, ‘Make as much noise as you want, I want to hear you,’

Yoseob breathed silently, watching Junhyung make his way down his collar bone, marking his pale skin with pink lovebites. His wet tongue was circling the younger’s chest, hand wrapping tantalizingly slow around the younger’s erection. His experienced hand began to move, pumping him rhythmically and driving the younger crazy. Yoseob’s eyes fluttered and closed, lost in the pleasure that Junhyung was giving him. He began subconsciously thrusting into the elder’s hand, drawing a smirk on Junhyung’s lips.

Junhyung couldn’t stand it anymore. He grabbed Yoseob’s hips tightly, shifting him higher up on the couch. He prepped the younger man quickly and thrust straight into him without any warning.

‘Ahhhh~ Yoseob’s cry rang out through the room. It hurt ---it hurt so badly yet he wanted the other man so so much. He didn’t want the other man to stop yet he could feel pain shoot through his entire body. ‘Seob, Seob, are you alright? I’m sorry, I hurt you, I shouldn’t have…Seob look at me,’Junhyung kissed the younger hard, trying to distract him from the pain. ‘I’m fine, Junnie…I’m fine. Please…move,’ Yoseob whispered weakly, tears forming at the edge of his beautiful eyes that cut all the way into Junhyung’s heart. ‘Tell me…if you need me to slow down,’ He started off slowly, trying not to hurt the other. Gradually, Yoseob began to relax, the pain fading away as fast as it had come, with pleasure taking its place as the intensity of the elder’s thrusts increased. And they continued this primitive dance of theirs that they craved so much on the small couch till they forgot everything, everything except what was right here, right now.

I know this is wrong…..I shouldn’t……why am I doing this….but how can it be wrong when it feels so right…….


	14. Chapter 14

‘What have I done…’ Those were the thoughts running at lightning speed through Yoseob’s mind as he lay limply on the studio couch, breathing heavily like he had just finished a marathon. Yes, he had just experienced the most mindblowing orgasm of his life but coming down from that high, he suddenly realized the implications of what he had done with a pang of guilt.

A strong arm wrapped itself around his waist as soft lips traced the back of his neck. Yoseob shook himself out of his current daze and tried to struggle to his feet. The nuzzling stopped abruptly, Junhyung’s voice cutting through the silence, ‘Yoseob? What’s wrong?’

‘Get off me!’ Yoseob shoved the offending arm off him and got to his feet shakily, bending down to retrieve his discarded clothing from the floor. The guilt only got stronger when he felt the telltale ache coming from that place as he stood up, reminding him of what had just happened. There had to be something wrong with him today, he thought. Why else had he not struggled at all when Junhyung dragged him down to the couch? He couldn’t believe it himself, how he had stupidly and willingly slept with Junhyung again. This was wrong, he had no intention of forgiving the older man’s past treatment of him so easily.

He glanced at Junhyung from the corner of his eye and felt even more appalled at himself for letting this happen when he saw Junhyung’s self-satisfied expression. He picked up Junhyung’s clothes from the floor and threw them at him, not wanting to start picking a fight while the other man was still naked. It then suddenly occurred to Yoseob that they had not used any protection. Too late to worry about that now.

Junhyung watched as the younger man reached into his bag, grabbed a pill and swallowed it down quickly. ‘What are you eating?’ he asked.

‘The morning after pill, what do you think?’ Honestly, the pill was just a normal Vitamin C tablet. Yoseob was feeling alarmed at his own stupidity as well. He didn’t have any morning after pills with him because he had not anticipated any of this to happen. What if he actually got pregnant? Yet, he wanted to do something, anything to infuriate Junhyung and wipe that smirk off his handsome face.

As expected, Junhyung’s expression darkened. He growled, ‘Why do you have morning after pills?’

‘You didn’t wear a condom.’

‘You don’t get the point. I mean, why are you carrying morning after pills around with you in your bag!’ Junhyung felt a surge of anger rising at the thought of Yoseob needing to keep those pills handy to be taken at a moment’s notice.

‘Oh…’ Yoseob blinked innocently, a wide grin splitting his face, yet it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘No particular reason actually, it’s just that Doojoon is just like you. He doesn’t like wearing condoms when we make love and I don’t really want to get pregnant again so soon, so of course I would need the pills.’

Junhyung stared at him in disbelief, trying to keep his emotions under control. He was all too familiar with Yoseob’s current expression. The younger man always looked like this when he was angry at Junhyung and tried to goad him. He had to admit that Yoseob was good at this, just that one statement could successfully rile up his temper.

‘You’re sleeping with him?’

‘We’re in a relationship, what did you expect?’ said Yoseob carelessly. ‘Anyway, it’s not like I’m the first guy or girl that you fucked on this couch right? I’m sure there must have been so many others before me. It’s not like you’re so innocent yourself, so why should you judge me?’

Junhyung was livid inside but he tried not to show it. He couldn’t understand, was it the fact that Yoseob had slept with someone else besides him that made him angry or that the younger man had such a poor opinion of him?

Yoseob watched him warily. Junhyung was just sitting there staring at him with a clenched jaw, face unreadable. The young man decided now was probably a good time to leave. He had no intention of being hit or getting pulled down onto the couch to be fucked again.

He unlocked the door and walked out quickly. Pondering for a bit, he turned around and said hesitantly, ‘Junhyung, about what happened just now…I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking but it musn’t happen again. I think…I think it’s better if we keep our distance from now onwards. I don’t want to hurt Doojoon, he’s been so good to me. If you’re really his friend, please…please just stay away from me from now on.’

The door slammed, separating the two of them again.

Yoseob leaned against the door outside the room, breathing heavily. This was it, this was for the best. But yet, if it was really the best thing to do, why did he feel so empty inside……

From that moment on, Yoseob kept his distance from Junhyung. The older man seemed to comply with his request as well. He did not come by Yoseob’s place anymore, staying far away from him and only talking to him about work when absolutely necessary. Whether it was during song recordings or lyric writing, Yoseob was only willing to be in the same room as Junhyung when there was a third person present. If they had to be in the same room alone, the door had to be open. Junhyung did try to approach Yoseob during those times, as if meaning to say something, but Yoseob always found some excuse to ignore him.

Doojoon would sometimes come to the recording studio to take Yoseob out for lunch but the younger man requested for him to call before he came, so that they met outside instead of indoors, all this to prevent Junhyung from inviting himself to their outings as the third wheel.

By then, Junhyung was used to Yoseob taking mysterious calls during lunch time and disappearing by himself but he promised to keep his distance and never once followed him to give him some space. It was just one afternoon that he bumped into the couple quite by accident.

He had wanted to go to one of his favorite bulgogi restaurants for lunch. Just as he was about to go in, he spotted Doojoon and Yoseob eating together at a table by the window. They were chatting earnestly and Doojoon’s hand was on Yoseob’s. Seeing the two of them together made Junhyung feel ill suddenly. He lost his appetite immediately and was just about to back away quickly before he got spotted when there was a rap on the window.

Junhyung looked up, sighing inwardly when he saw Doojoon waving at him to come in and eat with them. He had been seen after all. Whatever it was, Doojoon was still a good friend and he couldn’t turn down the obvious invitation without any reason. ‘I don’t want to see you being lovey-dovey with the man I love, so not a good reason’ thought Junhyung to himself darkly.

Forcing a smile, he stepped inside and made his way towards the table. ‘I haven’t seen you around in a while Junhyung, fancy seeing you here. Want to eat with us?’ Doojoon grinned. Junhyung glanced at Yoseob quickly to gauge his reaction but the younger man just said a quick hello, smiled tightly and pointedly became engrossed in his meal again.

‘Sure…I guess..if you don’t mind.’ said Junhyung finally, taking the opportunity to slide onto the seat next to Yoseob.  
Just like any normal couple, Yoseob and Doojoon were sitting face to face, so the remaining seats left was either next to Yoseob or Doojoon. As he was the third person, it wasn’t awkward at all to be choosing either of the seats, and so Junhyung leapt at the chance to sit next to the younger man.

Junhyung’s meal was quickly ordered and the meal progressed as normal, the three of them chatting as they ate. From the outside, it looked like just another group of friends having a meal and making conversation and it would have went smoothly if not for somebody’s naughty hand that would not keep still.

Doojoon was cracking a joke and Yoseob laughed merrily at it when he suddenly felt a hand press onto his thigh. It couldn’t be Doojoon, he always waved his hands around when he talked so the culprit could be none other than Yong Junhyung who was currently shovelling food into his mouth using only one hand.

Junhyung had been listening to the conversation, chipping in now and then with a few words. Seeing Yoseob laugh so happily at Doojoon’s joke, a moment of jealousy shot through him and he had quickly taken the opportunity to press his hand onto Yoseob’s thigh under the table to remind him not to react so happily to someone who wasn’t Yong Junhyung. Much to his surprise, he felt Yoseob stiffen next to him at his touch. ‘This might actually prove to be fun,’ he thought to himself and his naughty hand decided to take it to the next level.

He began to slowly trace words onto Yoseob’s thigh with his finger. ‘I’m thinking of you Yang Yoseob’ spelled his finger. He caressed his hand up and down the younger man’s thigh, enjoying the way Yoseob shuddered slightly with each movement. Becoming more daring, Junhyung’s hand slowly made its way to the younger’s groin, long fingers cupping the younger man through his jeans.

Yoseob’s breathing became faster as he tried to keep his arousal under control. ‘Yong Junhyung you bastard’ he thought. It had been so long since Junhyung had touched him and he had to admit, it did actually feel good. Junhyung knew exactly where his sensitive spots were. However, this had to stop before it went too far. He quickly pressed his thighs together hard, clamping Junhyung’s hand to stop its unwanted movements. The sudden pain made Junhyung gasp, and Doojoon looked up in surprise, oblivious till now of the silent battle of wills being waged under the table.

‘Is something the matter?’ Doojoon inquired curiously.

Yoseob looked up anxiously, heart racing. Junhyung’s hand was still clamped between his thighs, Doojoon just had to look under the table and it was all over.

‘No, no, nothing’s wrong…I just didn’t expect the lemonade to be so sour,’ said Junhyung smoothly, trying hard to keep his features still.

‘I thought you were good at eating sour foods,’ teased Doojoon. ‘Remember that time when I dared you to eat an entire lemon in 2 minutes?’ The conversation went back to normal again.

Yoseob took a silent breath of relief. He relaxed his thighs, expecting Junhyung to remove his hand but the horrible hand remained there, without showing any signs of letting go. He couldn’t take it anymore. This had to stop and it had to stop right now. Yoseob unobtrusively reached under the table and tried to pry the hand off him. The next thing he knew, it was now his hand that was being held tightly under the table. He tried with all his might to free his hand but the relentless grip remained and he couldn’t possibly shake it off harder without getting Doojoon’s attention. He eventually felt Junhyung lacing their fingers together, holding his hand firmly under the table, unwilling to let go. It had been so long. No, he wasn’t supposed to want this but yet, a niggling feeling at the back of Yoseob’s mind made him feel comforted by the older man’s touch….

And so, the meal went on and on. It was probably the best meal that Junhyung had had in a while. The feel of Yoseob’s smooth skinned hand in his was worth it even though the younger man kept flashing quick glares on him. Poor Doojoon however, remained oblivious through it all.


End file.
